This question comes from Jordan in Lithgow:
‘Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or 100 duck-sized horses?’
One would assume it would be the 100 duck-sized horses that would pose the most danger. Horses have been known to kill humans plenty of times in the past. A horses kick can take your head right off and a horses bite can remove the flesh from your arm down to the bone! Fight a hundred of those little buggers and you could be in big trouble! They en’masse kick your shins to splinters and when you fall to the ground they bite and trample and use their tiny hooves to cave your skull in. A hundred tiny horses could really f*ck you up!
But if you have ever owned ducks, you know this question is not so cut and dried.
You see ducks at river-fronting parks, swimming about happily awaiting thrown pieces of bread, or waddling around with what is truly one of the most amusing walks in the animal kingdom. Ducks are non-threatening and cute…
…usually.
We’ve had Muscovy ducks for years and I’ll tell ya what, they are not always super-cute! The ducks are the perfect evidence of where the origins of ‘Pecking Order’ comes from. I’ve seen the older Ducks strip the feathers from a younger one every day until by the end of the week her poor wings were just flesh and bones. And as for the Drakes, they can be big vicious brutes! We’ve given up on having more than one Drake at a time as whichever one becomes dominant beats the living shit out of the other on a daily basis. And they will attack humans – both my kids when they were pre-3 copped a savaging because they harassed the ducks too much, and our current drake can certainly put the wind up my wife when he is in a bad mood.
So a horse-sized duck could be far more of a threat to be reckoned with than one would think, especially if it is a drake. Ours has had our rooster on its back and stood on top of him, using his beak to bash the roosters head in! Imagine what a horse-sized version of that could do to a human if it got its gander up! With a combination of its talons, a hard blunt beak and a lot of aggression behind its weight, you will be begging for mercy and promising to never buy orange sauce again!
So getting to the question which would I rather fight?
The Pros & Cons:
Numbers: One huge duck to concentrate your attacks on is far easier than trying to fend off and destroy a hundred smaller targets.
I’d fight the duck.
Height Advantage: Horses can jump high relative to their height but at duck-size and with hooves, all you have to do is climb something of sufficient height and they can’t get near you. A huge duck however has the aerial advantage and can swoop down to literally crush you from a great height.
I’d fight the horses.
Bites vs Pecks: A horses mouth will be pretty small at duck-sized, but anyone who has been bitten by a small creature knows it can still hurt like hell and cause a fair bit of damage. Whereas a ducks bill when used offensively is more like a club due to it being rounded rather than pointy like a chooks beak. A huge ducks bill may crack a few ribs, but it wont rend the flesh from your bones.
I’d fight the duck.
Weight advantage:
A duck-sized horse has gotta weigh at least half a ton. Your best punch aint gonna do squat. Whereas tiny horses you could pick up in one hand and use your other to snap their spindly little legs off.
I’d fight the horses.
Natural Aggression: Both are domesticated creatures… until you piss them off then they will try to kill your dopey human arse.
A draw.
So in the end, which would I rather fight?
That’s easy. Horse-meat has piss-poor flavour. So I’d fight the giant duck, win, light a big fire then literally feast upon 500 kilos of my worthy opponent. Finger lickin’ good!
Hope that answers your question Jordan.
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