This question comes from Steve in Campbelltown:
‘What is the worst figure in your collection and why should we all own it?’
First off I’m taking a stab in the dark that Steve is talking about Transformers since that is what I am best known for collecting. Well Steve, given I’m at the 4500 mark for the amount of Transformer action figures I own, there are a fair few contenders for the mantle of Worst. So lets narrow it down to Transformer figures that actually transform and go from there:
Equal 3rd Worst
Generation One Crankcase & Scoop
Why are they bad?
Firstly – both these toys have irritatingly simple transformations, even for G1 toys – one move for the legs, one move for the arms and one move for the body/backpack.
Secondly – awful heads! Scoop’s is ridiculously small, making him look like a little yellow guy wearing a huge orange sumo suit, whereas Crancase has just an orange blob for a face, making you squint to make out any detail whatsoever.
Thirdly – bad bodies. Neither of these toys have any articulation to speak of. Scoop’s chest sticks out so far his little hands barely reach past it, and those hands don’t even have peg holes to hold his Targetmaster partners. Lots of Transformer toys have decent sized backpacks, but I’d struggle to think of any that have a proportionately bigger one than Crankcase which towers over the back of him to a ludicrous degree. And while Scoop as a Targetmaster can’t hold guns, neither can Crankcase who is a Triggercon. What’s the point of being a gun-themed robot if you can’t even hold a simple blaster?! As for having legs that actually separate, forget about it.
Why you should own them?
Both toys have really nice altmodes for their time, with Scoop being a front-end loader that can actually move his scoop, and Crankcase being perhaps the only Decepticon toy of 1988 that had an altmode disguise that could actually work as a disguise, rather than being a huge monster or a neon-coloured vehicle. The Targetmaster and Trigger gimmicks are good fun and they both had interesting roles in the IDW comics. Plus who doesn’t love some G1-goodness 😉
2nd Worst
Steelbane – The Last Knight
Why is he bad?
Firstly – loose ball joints. The joints in his shoulders and legs are atrociously loose, making him very hard to pose in robot mode, he is fiddly as hell to try and get to stand in any decent pose without his sword drooping towards the floor.
Secondly – Worst. Dragon-mode. Ever. His dragon mode is absolute shite! Looks absolutely awful, like someone was building a robot alpaca and lost the instructions half way through. There have been a lot of great dragon Transformers over the years and they do not invite Steelbane to their parties.
Why you should own him?
Probably the coolest ‘knight’ looking Transformer toy ever in his robot mode with lots of detail, even on the sword. There were four Knight toys from The Last Knight film and he is the best looking of the lot, with the others compromised by either missing faces or their combiner gimmick. Even if you were not a fan of the film, having a Transformer who looks like he should have been kickin it with Arthur & Merlin is pretty boss.
Winner of the Worst
Rescue Bots Quickshadow
Why is she bad?
Firstly – terrible proportions in both modes. Even being a Rescue Bot which is a line known for its more basic toys due to the age demographic they are made for, the vehicle mode is too snub-nosed and the robot mode doesn’t even remotely resemble the cartoon. And what’s with the big goggles – she looks like she is going scuba-diving while flying a WWI plane!
Secondly – the broken transformation spring. This was a toy made for tiny kids and with one transformation movement. It is unbelievable that there was so little quality control that she got released when the spring that allows the transformation was broken in 95% of the figures. Any child given this figure would have been supremely disappointed and their parents feeling ripped off.
Why you should own her?
Errr… that’s a toughie. There really isn’t anything to recommend the figure at all. At most I would say that she was the first female Rescue Bot which gives the toy some novelty value, and that her on-screen character was very cool. Coming across as a very chilled and aloof British Secret-Agent type gave her a personality we have not seen in Transformers before or since, it’s a shame she didn’t get more airtime than she did.
So there you go Steve, your question answered 😊
Got any transforming Transformer toys that you think are worse than these? Why not mention them in the comments section below!
