Well the Transformer Wrist-Rest Mouse Pads continue unabated. Having done the most popular and well known female Transformer characters such as Arcee, Black Arachnia, Elita-1 and Windblade, the makers are now moving on to the B-Listers of the femmebot world. And B is correct as while one of these characters is a Femmebot that has been around in the background for 35 years, another isn’t a Femmebot at all!
Moonracer and….. WTF?!
So lets have a look at Moonracer and, quite strangely the Cyber Bee Cosplayer.
Moonracer
A very feminine face and a head that is very indicative of both the original 1985 G1 character and the Generations Toy that came out in recent years. A good enough mouse pad, though the shadowing/lighting they have used for the art causes a faded line to cross the Autobot Symbol on her chest, detracting from the artwork somewhat.
‘I thought my chest plate was more pointy than round. But hey, at least I’m finally getting more merchandise!’
Cyber Bee
Human, Cyborg, Pretender, really good Cosplayer…. what is she?!
I mean, what is this supposed to be? The armour and colour scheme is obviously in homage to the Movieverse Bumblebee. But the face and chest are most definitely flesh. But then she has eyes that are either robotic or supernatural as they are a solid blue. So is this Bumblebee in semi-human form doing a gender swap? Is he donning a Pretender disguise like Alice in ROTF? Is it either a Cyborg or a Supernatural Girl dressed up as Bumblebee for Cosplay? I just don’t know! So I’ve gone with the rationale that she is a Cyborg (part robot part human) that is cosplaying as Bumblebee as, though that makes little sense, it seems to make more sense than any other explanation.
“I hate this weird depiction of me. Whaddya mean ‘thats not what my missile says’?”
So there we go, the latest in Transformers Wrist-Wrest Mouse Pads. Moonracer who is not too big of a surprise, and Cyber Bee, who is very surprising. It will be interesting to see who we get next.
Competition Update
For those of you that entered into the competition to win a Free Mouse Pad, take heart. Not a single person had either Moonracer or, unsurprisingly, Cyber Bee in their top 5 list. So all those who entered are still in the running!
Rumor’s continue to fly thick and fast regarding both the robot and human cast of the upcoming Bumblebee Movie, a prequel to the successful last 5 live-action Transformer movies. However unsubstantiated reports suggest a new entry that no one saw coming.
Inside sources from Hollywood have reported that apparently Australian Singer/Actress/Model Sophie Monk has been slated to play the classic Decepticon character Octopunch.
“When casting for Octopunch, a character covered with gripping tentacles, we decided we wanted someone who was adept at really clutching at anything. Thus the first place we looked was at any celebrity who had appeared as a contestant on reality television. No one shows the skills of grasping at straws as strongly as a celebrity determined to stay in the public eye better than those people” says one unnamed source.
“We had many celebrities in mind for the role, but once we saw the 2017 version of The Bachellorette Australia staring Sophie Monk, we knew our search was at an end”
For those that do not know, Sophie Monk played the Bachelorette on Australia’s version of the well-known reality TV show, ‘pashing on’ with multiple men before she made her decision on the ‘man she truly loved’. To the surprise of few, this ‘true love’ was short lived and ended as soon as the hype about the show did, briefly getting Monk’s name back on peoples lips.
Eternal and never ending love…. for a few months.
Sophie Monk has a long history of Reality Television. She has appeared as a contestant on The Celebrity Apprentice Australia and even on Popstarsall the way back in 2000. She has posed for many men’s magazines, including FHM, Maxim and Playboy.
When asked if being associated with such a clingy character could be detrimental to an icons reputation, one studio executive said ‘Possibly, but we believe Octopunch will get over it’.
‘I’m being played by WHO?!’
Apparently Monk however was not the first choice for this role. Another Australian singer, Nikki Webster was also considered for the role.
“Webster would have been perfect for the role” stated one Hollywood insider “She shows a level of grasping desperately at chances to revive her all-but-deceased celebrity status that puts Sophie to shame”.
Nikki Webster captured Australia’s heart when she sang at the 2000 Olympics and went on to have some moderate success as a singer. However when she got older she, like Monk, started posing for men’s magazines. Instead of engendering lust in the readers, it caused a distinct uneasiness as the public still primarily saw her as that cute child who sang for the nation.
“Na” says Mick from the local RSL “Ya felt like a bloody pedo staring at the tits of that kid from the Olympics. It was creepy as!”
At least she wasn’t on a wrecking ball.
In 2001 Websters song ‘Strawberry Kisses’ did extremely well in the charts. In 2017 she re-released the song via a breakfast television show almost unnoticed, except for mild derision in some music circles for the poor attempt to add a rap element into the song.
“We thought Webster would be great to play Octopunch when she re-released that song of hers” says the unnamed source “But at least people beyond Gen X know who Monk actually is. Besides, Monk seems like she can take a joke, we were afraid that if someone said the wrong thing Webster would start ringing radio stations and abusing people”.
So is there any truth to the rumors that Sophie Monk will play Octopunch in this upcoming multi-million dollar movie? Only time will tell, but fans seem to believe given her ability to fake being in love, Monk will be perfect to play a Pretender on the big screen.
Neither Sophie Monk nor Nikki Webster have been approached for comment.
*Editors Note: Like pretty much all Pop-Goss stories online, the above article is completely fictional (the difference being we admit it!). It is written for satirical purposes only with no malice intended. Bigangrytrev.com wishes both Ms Monk and Ms Webster continuing success in their respective careers.
In the wake of the public scandal where former Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce lost his position due to having an extra-marital affair with a member of his staff whom fell pregnant, new rules have been introduced into parliament to prevent further indiscretions between Members of Parliament and their employees.
However it appears Mr Joyce has already found a way to circumvent these new rules with the hiring of his new primary aide. Whilst this aide, named Alice, may appear to be a very attractive woman on the outside, she is actually an extra-terrestrial robotic assassin who starred in the 2009 Transformers film Revenge of the Fallen.
Apparently since she is not human but a Decepticon, Alice will not fall under the jurisdiction of the Code of Conduct.
“Since she is technically a robot, we are classifying her as a fax machine” said a spokesman in Barnaby’s office.
Nude photo’s already surfacing
Given Alice’s less than human nature, will this make it easier for Mr. Joyce resist temptation?
“Well it doesn’t matter if he resists or not, it doesn’t break the new Parliamentary Code of Conduct”. said another member of Barnaby’s staff “However I noticed a difference in his breath. It smelt like diesel – like a diesel-y tinge to it”
Many on Barnaby’s staff seem to think Alice should acclimatize well to her new role. The Decepticon in question is a type of Transformer classified as a ‘Pretender’, due to being disguised as a humanoid rather than a car or truck. Given Mr Joyce is an accomplished pretender himself, as demonstrated from his consistent preaching about the sanctity of marriage during the gay marriage debate, it is believed they will be a good fit for each other.
However despite this effort from the former Deputy PM to avoid further scandal, rumours have begun to circulate that Barnaby and his ‘fax machine’ could already be expecting an alien-hybrid offspring.
“The protoform might not even be mine but I’ll be sticking by her. Anyway, it’s nobody’s business, it’s a private matter and that’s an end to it” said Mr Joyce.
“I’ll be holding a press conference to discuss it in full detail tomorrow”
When approached for comment, Alice attempted to lick reporters from across the room before converting her arm into a plasma cannon and blowing a hole in the wall, escaping into the night.
