Time and time again we are shown that the media is unwilling to cover the stories that really matter and seem to proactively work to keep you, the general public, in the dark.  News reports are dominated by the latest political popularity polls even when an election is not in the air, celebrities partners sneaking dogs through customs are treated like matters of great import.  The bland, mediocre and unverified dominates the headlines instead of the important scientific achievements that can make the world for all a better place.

I discovered through my trawling of cyberspace what is simply THE GREATEST INVENTION EVER!  Even then this revolutionary breakthrough was given a short 2 minute spot.  Why was this story not on the front of every newspaper?! Why was it not the lead story on every news report?!

The story/newsclip detailed the miraculous medical miracle that has changed a woman’s life. Scientists in Germany have invented expandable, inflatable breasts! No surgery, no nothing! Just a shot of saline under the armpit when you feel like upsizing and your bust goes up to a staggering 32N! Not a C, not a DD, no – a 32 freakin N!

Why is the world not rejoicing about this?! Where is the media coverage? Where are the stories about the scientists involved getting their Nobel prize? Where is their ticker-tape parade with the world honoring them for achieving what has been only dreamed of by hentai artists for years? I mean, this truly is the greatest invention ever. Bugger the wheel – you just need them to get the place to buy the saline! Bugger the internet – you just need it to order the kit online!

Why aren’t women screaming for this to be stocked at Aldi!? You’d never pay for a movie ticket again!
“I’d like to see this movie for free”
“No!”
*Squirt, BOOMPH!*
“Of course you can! Would you like some free popcorn and drinks too ma’am?”

Admittedly the woman who had it done could possibly have had self-appearance issues which may be why she initially volunteered for the procedure. But that just means it’s a godsend for those that consider themselves unfortunate looking. Doesn’t matter if you’ve only got one eye, no nose and half a leg – you ain’t gonna have trouble finding a date with a pair of 32N’s! Why aren’t they spruiking this invention to those individuals in the Middle East who act like extremist nutjobs? Suicide Bombings would stop tomorrow! Some moron is about to blow himself up to get to paradise, finds out about this revolutionary procedure and goes “Oh man! Paradise is right here on Earth!” Bloodshed stops, peace reigns, happiness descends.  Sensible solutions for a happier world.

Sorry Japan, but Germany has officially won the scientific innovations race. We don’t need anything more. This is the final thing the world needed to have invented. The future is here my brothers and sisters – rejoice!

Write letters to your local media outlet asking – nay, demanding -to know why you were not informed of this important issue sooner.  You have a right to expect the media to cover the stories that truly matter.

Writer’s note: I certainly hope they do not come up with a similar invention for men.  Given the average human males insecurity about the size of his member, if an invention came out that could enlarge it to extraordinary proportions it would cause an international saline shortage as every guy would not be able to resist ‘upsizing’ to a greater degree than guy next to him. A worldwide ‘phallic race’ would ensue.  Jeans and public urinals would have to be totally redesigned, though it would undoubtedly be a boon to the wheelbarrow industry. 

A link to the original clip about this issue can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TvFbbTNRfU