Today we have not one but two questions, from an old mate of mine – Greg in Bendigo.
Question 1: ‘Where do babies come from? I heard a stork or something or do they come from cabbage patches? I heard that rumour as well’
Forget storks. Forget cabbage patches. The actual answer is – the fear of death my friend, THE FEAR OF DEATH!
You know what a hassle it is to have bloody kids? A massive one mate! Ya can’t go out with ya buddies drinking all night anymore. Ya can’t go over to ya hippy friends’ houses to eat their special cookies and giggle at how rectangular the doorframes are. No sleep, no sex, no money – and chances are when they get older they will say all their emotional problems are your fault and stick you in an old farts home; they spending your life savings while you spend your remaining days soiling yourself and watching the orderlies steal your medication to sell to street kids. Having babies sucks!
But – THE FEAR OF DEATH!
That’s right, that’s where babies come from. The biological imperative to pass on ones genes to the next generation so that at least some of your DNA will survive your passing. So when you are gone there is still some living, breathing, tangible evidence that you ever existed in the first place. It’s also why when those babies grow up into adults, their parents then pressure them to have subsequent babies, so you get to see yet a further generation carry your DNA on. This way your genes may still be surviving a good 70 years after you are deep in the cold damp ground, the wormies turning you into compost inside a ludicrously expensive box. Having descendants is really the only life-after-death one gets, no matter what the priests of various religions may tell you, using fear of your own mortality to get their coffers filled.
Of course, there are great-grandkids as well, but no one really gives a crap about them. Your DNA is too watered down by that point and chances are you are probably too senile to understand who the hell they are anyway.
Question 2: ‘Where’s Wally?’
Wally’s dead. Died fighting in Syria. No DNA legacy for him!
Any other info Greg might find helpful? Pop it in the comments section below!