There are certain laws of the universe that one considers immutable – one of the main ones I have always had no reason to doubt is cause and effect. If you do A, then it will cause B to happen. If you throw a ball in the air, it will come down again. If you stick your hand in the fire, it will be burned.
So if you have a room in which you use nothing but cleaning products, then ergo that room should be nothing but clean!
Seriously, why the f*ck are bathrooms exempt from the rules of cause and effect?! I’ve tidied plenty of bathrooms plenty of times but before today, in my new role as househusband, I’d never cleaned one before. Oh sure it looks clean enough, but when you get up close the friggin things are filthy!
Why are they filthy? HOW are they filthy?! I took a look at all the products we have in our bathroom:
SCENTED SOAP
FOAMING CLENSER
ANTISEPTIC LISTERINE
FACIAL SCRUB
BODY WASH
Look at all the words contained within! Those are words associated with cleaning. It should be the cleanest damn room in the house!
And the bath! How can the bath be filthy?! You fill it full of hot soapy water and then drain that straight down a damn plughole! I come out cleaner after being in the bath, the kids come out cleaner after being in the bath – why doesn’t the bath come out cleaner from being within itself?!
It’s bloody madness is what it is! I spent over an hour cleaning the bathroom today and I still have the floor to mop!
Well, enough of that – I’m not going to be suckered twice! From now on I’m hosing the kids off in the yard, the wife can shower at work and as for me, well I’ll just stand downwind of people as a courtesy. Because a world where soap makes things dirtier just doesn’t make sense to me – it seems to be a joke played by a capricious universe that just wants to f*ck with my househusband brain.
Go to hell Bathroom – you porcelain-toting bastard you!
Have you encountered this freak of household nature yourself? Tell us about it in the comments section below!
Related Articles: