While I quite like Star Wars – the first three movies made at any rate – I’m much more of a Trekkie. And like my feelings on Star Wars, I much prefer the original stuff to the new stuff. Oh there have been some quite good new movies made in both franchises, but it’s the old stuff that revs my engine.
Before Star Trek: The Next Generation debuted, there were 6 Star Trek movies. Admittedly the first one was a dog’s breakfast, an absolute shitshow which even the most die hard Trek fans struggle to like. The others were more well received but there is one that still cops flak – unfairly in my opinion – to this day. And that is Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
Or as I like to call it – Kirk vs God.
Back in The Original Series Kirk faced down not only supremely powerful aliens with god-like powers routinely, but even met old gods from Earth like those of the Greek Pantheon. In these encounters Kirk either had sex with them or beat them up – a winning formula for a Starship Captain on the frontier.
In Star Trek V this attitude of James Tiberius is taken to the extreme. Let’s look a short synopsis of the plot:
*Kirk, Spock and Bones go camping, play with jet-boots and get drunk.
*Spock’s half-brother Sybok brainwashes the crew of the Enterprise (bar Kirk & Spock) to fly the Starship to the center of the universe to find God.
*Klingon’s follow as their Commander wants to destroy Kirk since doing so, as his second in command states, it would make him “The greatest warrior in the Galaxy”.
*They find God. Kirk, Bones, Spock and his brother beam down to a planet and have a chat with him.
*Kirk doesn’t like the cut of God’s jib – Kirk thinks God is coming across as a bit of an arsehole. So since God isn’t female Kirk picks a fight! God, wisely knowing that if he gets into a brawl with Kirk he will get his celestial arse handed to him, shoots at them with energy bolts instead, then has a wrestle with Spock’s brother and kills him.
*Kirk knows God’s cheating with the energy bolts so returns the favour by having The Enterprise shoot God with photon torpedoes. Kirk’s near where the blasts will impact but knows he can withstand it, whilst God himself sustains a nice bit of damage. Kirk has his friends beamed away so he can finish the fight one-on-one.
*Kirk and God square off. Before Kirk can headbutt him, the Klingon Bird of Prey spaceship shows up and shoots God in the face, killing him. The gun then swings towards Kirk.
*Kirk’s pissed off – that was his fight! So standing there he calls the Klingon’s bastards (despite the fact THE GUN THAT JUST KILLED GOD IS BEING AIMED RIGHT AT HIM!) and challenges the hovering Klingon Battleship to bring it on!
*Just before Kirk can punch on with the battleship he gets beamed up and turns out it was Spock in the Klingon battleship that shot God, as he was the Vulcan equivalent of pissed off at God for killing his brother.
*Everyone gets drunk again.
Now to me, that is good cinema. Oh, besides the camping scene, the first half of the movie is forgettable with Spock’s half-brother running round curing peoples inner pain and whatnot. And there was plenty of other stuff that probably could have been cut as well. However the ending is great!
But then… could the ending have been EVEN BETTER?
I think so. Frankly I wanted to see Kirk and God duke it out. It might have been one of the few times Kirk was faced with an actual challenge – the two most powerful entities in the universe getting stuck into each other would have looked great on the big screen! I also would have liked to see Kirk get into a fight with the Klingon Bird of Prey. Would have Kirk’s fists been enough to take down a heavily armed and armoured alien intergalactic battleship? Personally I have faith they would have been up to the challenge, but I guess now we’ll never know.
So yes, while many prefer the later Star Trek shows and movies, with Picard constantly drinking Earl Grey tea and Janeway talking to others about their feelings instead of, you know, making some tough decisions and actually getting her crew home quick, I shall always be a fan of the Original Series. And the last half hour of Star Trek V, where you get to see Kirk face off against the The Almighty himself and put the smack down, should be treasured by all those fans of Trek.
God something to say about this classic piece of cinematic history? Pop it in the comments section below!
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