What does one associate with the St Patricks Day? Parades, wearing green, shamrocks, having a Guinness – the usual stereotypes.
But nowadays it seems any company will use the most tenuous of links to ride St’Paddys coattails in order to make a sale.
With that in mind, lets have a look at, from Loaded by BL – the Paddy O’Burgs Burger.
Now, the above description sounds kinda nice. The choice to use American Cheese was an odd one, considering how many awesome cheeses there are to choose from from Europe where Ireland is situated, but the Guinness Braised Brisket, Irish Whiskey BBQ Sauce and Smashed Potato’s are all on point, making this sound both Irish themed and pretty damn tasty.
Then there is the bun Oh the bun.:
‘It’s not easy being green’
Oh that is a sickly green! That’s the kinda green you see on the face of someone that has just eaten a very bad burger! That is not a green that should be seen outside of a child’s pencil case. But one must confess that no green buns, no matter the shade, were going to look scrummy, so one can’t judge too much I guess.
Was this burger bad? Well, it t’wernt great, I’ll tell ya that. The taste was average to say the least, you didn’t feel like spitting it out but nor did you hunger to take another big bite.
The main problem was this was stew in burger form. Yes Irish Stew is yummy, but not between two buns! Everything about this burger was overdone to the extreme. The brisket had been braised that long it could barely hold onto to its molecular structure, the smashed potatoes were too smashed – obliterated more like, the cheese was a melted mess and the Irish Whiskey BBQ sauce was barely thicker than just straight whiskey.
All this combined meant that the moment you bit into the burger a tidalwave of slush vomited out the other side to land with a sickening splat and you felt liquid running down your chin. If you wanted to eat what had escaped the buns, a straw would have been more useful than a fork.
So should you get this burger? No, if this chain offers the same burger next St Patricks Day then avoid it. The contents of a burger should not have the same colour and viscosity of what you see people evacuating in a back alley after 20 pints at an Irish Pub.
This is the tale of how a bad airline can really f*ck up a good holiday.
This is the 100% true and factual recount of how it took us 8 hours to get from home to our destination, yet FIFTY FOUR AND A HALF HOURS to get home. All with two small children in tow.
We were travelling from rural New South Wales to have a holiday with relatives in northern Queensland. This meant a 3 hour drive to the airport, catching a flight from Newcastle to Cairns, then being picked up by our relatives and driven the rest of the way.
Getting There
We were booked with Jetstar(never again!) for both there and back and booked well in advance. Firstly we had booked a flight that left at noon, then only a week out they cancelled the flight and rebooked us on one over 3 hours later. A pain but we could handle it, it just meant missing out on part of our first day of holidays. We drove to the airport, leaving the requisite time to check in and reach our gate. When getting close to the airport I kept getting alerts on my phone about the Gate being changed, which happened about 3 times.
When we got into the terminal, we saw our flight had been delayed by a solid 90 minutes, which meant we had to entertain our kids in the terminal for an extra hour and a half. Funny how they never sent a phone alert about that. Because we ended up flying out 4 ½ hours later than we had booked for, it meant our relatives had to pick us up after dark and we totally missed out on our first day of holidays.
Kids truding to their first of MANY delayed JetStar flights
Getting Back
Jetstar guarantee’s on their website that all children will be seated with their parents/adult relatives. I checked our seats online the night before we were due to fly out and surprise surprise, they had sat our 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter in individual seats by themselves in different parts of the plane, well away both from each other and my wife and I. Two hours of trying to sort it out online resulted in a “get to the airport early and have the staff there sort it out” reply from Jetstar – thanks so much., how very efficient and customer friendly of you.
(picture courtesy of Imagur)
So we arrive at the airport a solid two hours before we would have had to be there otherwise, and spend a stupid amount of time with the staff until they can ensure our kids are sitting with us. We then have a LOT of time to kill at the terminal.
Half an hour before we were due to fly out, they announce that – once again – our flight has been delayed by 90 minutes! So now we have even more time to kill, and have two very understandably grumpy kids.
Finally, after being at the airport for about four hours, we board the plane and take off from Cairns to Newcastle. Getting to the end of the flight, and I mean right at the end -they had announced our descent 10 minutes previously and the seatbelt sign was on – the captain comes on:
“Please be aware that we have received a storm warning and all flights to Sydney and Newcastle are being diverted to Brisbane”
The groan in the plane was audible, and much muttering and bad language ensued from the passengers. We could SEE the airport from out of the window, there was nary a cloud in the sky! There might be a storm on the way but it certainly wasn’t there yet! We had been less than 3 minutes from landing!
So the plane turns around and we have another hour of flight to reach Brisbane.
Son: ‘Will this flight ever end Dad?’ Me: ‘I don’t know son, I just don’t know’
We get off the plane. I’ve commented on how I’m more ‘Middle-aged Tired Trev’ than ‘Big Angry Trev’ these days, well, not by then. Anyone official not being immediately helpful was not abused, but certainly spoken to sharply in loud irritated tones. I didn’t go full Karen, but by Primus I wanted to.
My family finds some seats, and I get in the line for the desk that is arranging transport to hotels the airline has booked. I was in this line for ONE AND THREE-QUARTER HOURS! I have never been in a line that long in my life! By the time I reached the front I was ropeable! Thankfully my wife came up and did the talking to the girl behind the desk as I was standing back and audibly swearing. The girl told me not to abuse her to which I replied in an aggravated tone “I wasn’t swearing at you or about you or even looking at you so how about you just get on with it”. To be fair she was just doing her job, but she had a JetStar pin on her blazer which made her the enemy at this point. I did however stop swearing and just simmered in relative silence behind my wife.
A full hour after this they finally bus us to a hotel. We had left our resort at 7.30am, and it was now 8.30pm. 11 hours of travel and we hadn’t even managed to get out of the State! Our kids are tired and hungry, we are tired and hungry. My wife gets the kids in the shower and finds some children’s programming on the TV while I walk the streets of Brisbane trying to find a takeaway shop open.
“What the hell am I doing in Brisbane?!”
By the time we went to bed we had eaten nothing but Airport Terminal food and some pizza slices and potato cakes for dinner. We get a message from the airport that our replacement flight will be leaving at 2PM TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
The next day they bus picks us at noon and thankfully this flight was only running 15 minutes late this time. However when we get back to Newcastle and collect our car, we find out that the road we would have used to go home is washed out from the overnight storm. So instead of a 3 hour drive home, we drive 4 ½ hours to my mothers-in-law’s in Bathrust. We reach there exhausted at about 9.30pm that night. We are now 38 hours into our trip home and yet still hours away from our house.
We wake up the next morning, repack the car and prepare to head off. Only one problem, one MAJOR problem. The Bathurst 1000, one of the biggest car races in the country, had been on over the weekend, and now they were finished every man and his dog was heading home, with most of them towing caravans. One of the bridges that served as an exit point to the town was underwater from the storm, so everyone is trying to get out of Bathurst using the same route. The whole town is gridlocked! We kept checking the traffic app every 15 minutes, but it is still noon by the time it lets up enough we can get in the car and start our final leg.
The drive from our mothers-in-law’s to our place takes maybe 20 minutes longer than usual as another bridge in our little home town is washed out from the storm two nights ago, so we had to take a detour to get to our farm. By the time we drive in the front gate we had been travelling for 54 ½ hours! We were exhausted and beaten and after unpacking the car collapsed as a family on our couch.
Since then we have vowed to never fly JetStar again unless absolutely necessary. We are realists, we realise that sometimes flight delays are inevitable and things happen out of the airlines control. But from some rudimentary online searching subsequent to this trip, I’ve found Jetstar is notorious for late flights, more so than most other airlines. On multiple websites they rate only a 1 Star average from thousands of customer reviews.
It was bad enough that we missed the first day of our holiday because they cancelled our booked flight, then delayed our rebooked flight by 90 minutes. But if they had just left when they were supposed to on the flight home, all our troubles could have been avoided. If they had even just landed when they were supposed to (I swear you could see the people on the ground we were so far into our final approach) instead of turning around despite the storm still not having arrived, all our troubles could have been avoided. But because they were running late, and because they couldn’t be bothered landing a plane which was moments from touchdown, by the time we reached our State the storms had actually arrived and washed out the highways we would normally take to our home.
As far as I’m concerned, Jetstar can fornicate themselves vigorously with a pointed stick. No wonder in 2017 an international survey ranked Jetstar as the worlds worst airline. In my opinion a truly inept company on every level. It would give me great joy to hear some irate baggage handler rammed some lost luggage up their CEO’s arse.
Have you had a bad experience with Jetstar? Pop it in the comments below!
Blast Effects are becoming more and more popular in the Transformers toylines. What can make a giant alien gun look even cooler? How about a huge coloured laser coming out of the end! Lots of the larger figures in the mainline Transformers toyline are coming with blast effects now, though sadly not many for the smaller bots.
With this new trend, it was only a matter of time until some Third Party Companies decided to jump on the bandwagon, and start producing blast effects for those toys who came bereft of them. One such company is a new Australian business, 3D Damsel, who have been kind enough to send us a selection of their new products to peruse.
Yee-haw!
Note: 3D Damsel have not paid for this review, nor have they tried to dictate the contents of this blog. Bigangrytrev.com would like to thank 3D Damsel for the opportunity to review their products.
Pew Pew!
The blast effects we have received come in a variety of different sizes and blast-effect patterns.
The ones provided came in red
and blue
It is our understanding they are also available in green, which would perhaps suit characters like the Insecticons. It’s really nice to see such variation on the different blasts, making it easy to match the effect you want to the weapon its unleashed from.
Leader-class Bots
Voyager Class BotsDeluxe Class BotsScout Class Bots
Watch out, missile!
One of our favorites was the missile effect, showing the shell firing out with a trail of smoke behind it.
Careful of breakages
This fit great initially, then when reattaching it…
These blast effects are 3D printed, making them more brittle than the rubbery type included with the larger Transformer toys. While by no means overly delicate, it does mean you have to make sure not to be overly forceful when attaching them to the ends of weapons. These blast effects have been designed with hollow nubs on the ends, meaning you either push the nub into the end of the toys weapon, or else fit the hole within the nub over the tip of the weapons barrel.
Overall
It’s great to see an independent Aussie company trying something new, and the effects certainly do jazz up your battle scenes! The blast effects wont attach to every figures weapon, there being so many types, but are versatile enough you should not have much trouble matching them to a wide assortment within your collection. Hopefully down the track we will see an even wider variety of colours such as the traditional oranges, purples and yellows.
Pipes and Huffer have the same alt mode but different robot modes. Which is your favourite?
Such cute little alien war machines!
It’s true that most of the 1986 Autobot Mini-Vehicles are just slight retools of their 1984 counterparts. The likes of Swerve, Tailgate, Hubcap and Outback are simply recolours of Gears, Windcharger, Cliffjumper and Brawn respectively with new face sculpts (OK, Outback got a new gun as well which was pretty slick).
However Huffer and Pipes are the exception. As well as a new colour scheme and face sculpt, the Transformation from Robot Mode from Vehicular mode was slightly changed. Instead of the cab of the truck becoming a hood as it did with Huffer, it became a backpack for Pipes.
But are their alt-modes really the same?
One of these trucks is not like the other one
Well, yeah, for the most part. But there are subtle differences. The moulded grill and headlight motif on the front of the truck has been slightly changed from Huffer to Pipes. The tail-end of the trucks tray, which becomes the robots feet, is slightly more pointed on Huffer than Pipes. Perhaps the most notable difference besides the colour scheme is the smokestacks, which on Huffer and slightly indented, whilst on Pipes they are well and truly, well… pipes.
Overall the differences are negligible, but far outweigh the differences between the other mini-bot recolours of that era. I’d be hard-pressed to say which I like more as both have their charms.
Robot Modes
Huffer: “My elbows go the wrong way!” Pipes: “At least you can still pick stuff up”
Here is where the differences really stand out. As stated, Huffer has a sort of canopy whereas Pipes has a large backpack. From the back Pipes is easily the weaker of the two, having an entire truck cab hanging off his back. However this is where his weaknesses end. His arms are far superior to Huffers, and whilst Huffer could be said to have hands of a sort, it’s the orientation of his arms that lets him down, resembling some form of preying mantis idue to the backwards elbows. The head of Pipes too is superior, having an actual sculpted head that sits in front of the backpack, rather than some form of wide mask half-hidden under a hood.
So to answer Katrina’s question, I have to give it to Pipes, on the whole he is an improvement on his predecessor.
Huffer, being a legacy character from the 1984 cartoon, has turned up in multiple toylines such as KRE-O, Power Core Combiners, Timelines and even Transformers Prime. Pipes however has only had another two outings, both retools of existing Huffer figures. So lets have a look at these to see who is the superior in these new iterations of classic characters.
Combiner Wars
Prime-wannabe’s
If there is one set of Huffer/Pipes figures where the alt-modes are exactly the same then it is Combiner Wars. Not only are the altmodes the same, but the robot modes are exactly the same too, the only differences being in colour scheme and sticker placements. As such, it’s pretty much impossible to pick one over the other. I will say I never understood why they gave Pipes a red face, he looks like Tracks squat brother (or me when I’ve been out in the sun too long).
Kingdom
We finally busted into the Deluxe Class!
The third outing of Pipes, being again a retool of Huffer, is in the Kingdom line. I found both these toys to be quite clever and both are certainly the most toon-accurate versions of the characters we have ever had in their robot modes. Highlights for me included that Pipes now has pipes attached to his outer forearms like in the cartoon instead of the toys arms functioning as the pipes themselves. Huffer now sports a canopy of sensible size, and the way the sides of his alt-modes tray join together to form a very Halo-esque weapon is a really cool idea. I couldn’t fault either of them.
Pipes & Huffer: Both ready to smoke you!
In their vehicular forms, the fronts of the vehicles are actually (bar colour) exactly the same, having less differences than their G1 toy counterparts. The differences only seem to be at the back, where Pipes is toting his pipes and Huffer’s gun and shield serve to form a tray.
But wait, there’s more!
Can’t decide between Pipes and Huffer? Why choose either when you can have Puffer!
Puffer: ‘Even I haven’t heard of me before!’
Soooo…. The story behind this is that in certain parts of the world, when Pipes was released he was a straight up recolour of Huffer, rather than a retooled version. The storyline behind Puffer is that Huffer and Pipes got sucked into a time-vortex (as one does) and they were fused together into the one being. Like so many other extremely obscure characters (who can easily be recoloured from an existing figure), Puffer now has his own official toy. This Puffer though, is essentially Pipes slightly recoloured and with a G1 toy accurate head. Whilst there is little of Huffer to see in this figure, if you can’t decide which you like more out of Pipes and Huffer, then Puffer may be for you!
A reminder that Prime and Magnus aint the only Autobot trucks on the block
Well, for me it is hands down Pipes, and for me that is a purely sentimental reason. Pipes was one of my first ever Transformers, and was the first Transformer I ever got a double of when a mate gave me another one for my 9th birthday. Still have them both too 😊. I liked in the cartoon how Pipes seemed to straddle between mechanic, field medic and a quasi-field commander, whereas except for lifting the odd mammoth, Huffer seemed to do nothing but whine, barely built anything and for the most part simply vied with Gears for title of biggest complainer on The Ark.
G1: Emotions aside, talking about toys then I feel that Pipes has the better robot mode, despite Huffer having hand indents. Vehicular, despite the minor differences, I don’t favour one over the other. Winner: Pipes
Combiner Wars: Exact same vehicle mode so no favourite; in robot mode I gotta take points off Pipes for having the red face. Winner: Huffer
Kingdom: A draw, as though I like Huffer’s robot mode that smidge more, and he has the cool gun and shield that become the truck tray, Pipes finally has dedicated extra pipes, living up to his namesake. Winner: A draw, with a special shout out to Puffer for being such a unique character.
Got anything to say about the figures examined, or Pipes and Huffer in general? Pop it in the comments section below!
The pandemichas put a dampener on live music and theatre over the last few years, with the industry only now beginning to recover and live entertainment making its way onto our stages once again.
Thankfully, we’ve managed to get some of this entertainment out here in the countryside too. And thus this December we were treated to the Twin Town Players performance of ‘Murder at Aunt Agatha’s’.
Murder at Aunt Agatha’s is one of those classic who-dunnit plays, where all the characters are gathered in one house for the reading of a will. And in classic style, those characters keep getting murdered, both keeping the audience entertained and leading them to speculate on which character the murderer could be!
This production of Aunt Agatha starred many locals from the Rylstone and Kandos area, and was directed by the talented Ms. Cathy Heap. Spanning 4 days, the Rylstone Hall was packed with people eager to watch some live theatre once again. So lets work our way through the characters and the talented actors that brought them to life upon the stage.
The Earl Family
A comedic ‘nerd’ family, made up of a Mother (played by Rachelle Connellan), Father(Roger Heap – its rumoured that he got the role by sleeping with the director!),Daughter(Phillipa Kilminister) & Son (Ryan Gallaher). These characters are some of the few that have any brains in the play, though not a lot of common sense. The younger actors wore headsets in order to be heard by the audience and the family unit received lots of chuckles, before being unceremoniously killed en masse by poisoned ink.
The Vamvleet Family
Posh with a side of dark sheep. Mrs. Margaret Vanvleet(played by Leanne Bessant) and her daughter Alexandra (Kyrstal Thorn) are high society types that look down upon those around them, including their own relations. Leanne played a fantastic Margaret, a character prone to dramatically fainting, whilst Krystal shone as the petulant, spoiled Alexandra, always threatening to leave if it wasn’t for the money. Margaret’s other son, Reggie Vamvleet (Isabelle Furner/Big Angry Trev) is the black sheep of the family, fresh out of jail he turns up hoping for some inheritance money, spending his time either insulting everybody or sleazily flirting with some of the female characters. Isabelle played Reggie in a very ‘Fonzie’ style whereas the other actor, well… we will come to that later. Margaret meets her end via poisoned moonshine, Alexandra meets her end via a cliff and oddly Reggie is one of the few characters to survive.
The McSwine Family
Cousins, disturbing cousins…
Relatives of the snooty Vamvleets, these are the quintessential hillbillies which makes for a funny juxtaposition between the two family branches, played out over several scenes. The mother Mrs.Katie Mae McSwine(played by Owain James) and her three daughters(Emily Gallaher, Jess Gallaher & Janine Maw) are all extremely funny on stage and tick all the stereotype hillbilly boxes such as loving Elvis, drinking moonshine, winning spitting contests and, most disturbingly, having a crush on their cousin. And with the experienced thespian Owain dressed as the matriarch, that old tradition of men dressing up as women on stage was kept alive. The three daughters, all of whom were involved with the KHS production of Pricilla earlier in the year, came across very relaxed on stage and maintained character extremely well – it will be interesting to see their progression as actors in future theatricals.
The Movie Star & her Agent
Sounds like something out of Gilligan’s Island, but no. Gina Starlet (Mary Boxsell) and her long-suffering agent Maxie(Anne Attwood) have shown up looking for a share in the inheritance. Mary plays the faded-starlet character beautifully, and she and Anne share the most dramatic death scene in the entire play. The two of them choking to death earned a huge roar of approval and round of applause on the third night of the play, their dramatics delighting the appreciative crowd!
The Evil Siblings
The dastarly domestic staff in the front row
Bridgett(played by Kirilee Besant) and Hildegard(Ryan Attwood) were in the service of Aunt Agatha and are now hoping to scare off all the relatives so that they can get the cash for themselves. These are some of the more in-depth characters portrayed in the show – they are siblings but are pretending to be twin sisters rather than brother & sister, despite the fact that Bridgett talks with a French accent and her ‘sister’ talks with a German one. Part of the humour is that Hildegard really does look like a man in a dress, and for most of the play he seems the most obvious suspect to be the murderer. Ryan did a very funny and over-the-top rendition of Hildegard, and boy can that boy scream! Kirilee was fantastic as Bridgett, and would often improvise stage movements, like roughly shoving away the lecherous Reggie at random times, or fixing the blankets on the couch playing to the French Maid theme of her character.
The Lawyer, Aunt Agatha, Police & Prompter
Taking on multiple roles can be tough, but Chantelle Williams did it seamlessly. Chantelle provided the voice for Aunt Agatha’s recordings, as well as coming on in the last scene to arrest the murderer. Perhaps even more importantly, she was the prompter on side of stage, providing much needed help whenever anyone would forget a line. Full credit should also be given to Willow Connellan who was a dynamo backstage as well!
Willima Cleanyou, played by Belinda Innes, is Aunt Agatha’s laywer and is a very strong and stern character, showing the most authority in the play before the Detective enters. Belinda’s performance of this embezzling lawyer was flawless, never missing a beat!
The Leading Man & Lady
Two of the stand-out performances of the show were by Emily Gardiner, playing Rose Bloom, and actor of stage & screen Blake Prosser, playing Detective Sam Club. Rose is an overtly sweet character who is not all she appears, hiding the deviousness within, and managing to initially charm Sam. Sam himself is a hard-talking, no-nonsense gumshoe who turns up just before the end of Act 1, and his striving to find the killer is one of the main plot motivators for the second half of the show. Rose likes everyone whereas Sam suspects everyone, so naturally these two disparate characters develop an attraction for each other, even if it is short lived. Like Bridgett & Hildegard, these are two characters that are more fleshed out than most of the others, giving the actors a chance to display a range of emotions rather than simply playing a one-dimensional role, and both Emily and Blake were up to the task, delighting audiences with their performances night after night.
The Ghosts
5 local children – Allison George, Ellaria Jonkers, Ashton Thorn, India Jonkers & Ryder Robinson – played the Ghosts of Aunt Agatha, interjecting some welcome cuteness into a play that is otherwise all about murder and self-interested characters. The ghosts come on stage twice during the production, and the audience loved it every time!
And, er, the other guy…
If you don’t know the lines, just move around a lot
Yes dear readers, Big Angry Trev did strut the stage again, and strut is probably the best way to describe it – what I lacked in script-knowledge I made up in swagger.
Unfortunately the actor playing Reggie was sick for 3 of the 4 shows so I had to step in at the last minute and play the role. And it was very last minute – I didn’t meet the cast until an hour before showtime, didn’t get a chance for a single run through and said the lines out loud for the first time during the opening show! Despite having script in hand I still forgot a lot of lines and a lot of cues, so thankfully the rest of the cast were good at subtly prompting me or prodding me in the right direction.
It t’wernt me gov!
Reggie is a sod of a character, which made him a lot of fun to play! That said, all the horrible insulting things I had to say to Krystal, Emily, Jess & Janine, as well as the sleazy pick-up lines I had to use on Kirilee & Emily, made me cringe a little inside at times. But I found that there was a certain liberation with having been to no rehearsals – no one could get mad at me for missing cues and lines because I was stepping in last second, and I could pretty make up what the character Reggie was like as I went along – by the 3rd show I was swaggering around the stage, walking almost crotch-first, busting out insults and pervy comments right, left & centre. All in for some reason a slightly cockney accent. It was great fun! Full cred to the girls for getting their revenge though, Kirilee’s character was shoving mine a lot more than the script called for. And the cousins Emily, Jess & Janine enjoyed tormenting me/my character with overly-theatrical sniffing and plucking of head hairs – it was all I could do to not to burst out laughing on stage!
Part of the joy of community theatre is that it really is made up of members of the local community. This means instead of a bunch of egotistic actors all coming together in order to practice their art and further their careers, it’s regular folk from the local towns who have decided to put on a fun show. Murder at Aunt Agatha’s cast and crew were made up of husbands & wives, mothers & offspring and even 3 siblings from the one family! It also put everyone on a level playing field, there were 6 students and 3 staff from the local High School and it was pleasant to see how these teens and adults interacted with each other as peers, any pre-existing power dynamics from school now non-existent.
This all made for a warm and convivial atmosphere and this came out backstage, on stage and with the casts interactions with the audience, which every night consisted of a sea of smiles.
Full credit to the cast and crew for putting on a fantastic show! I heartily look forward to watching the next production by the Twin Town Players. And who knows, maybe they’ll need another sleazy cockney guy to show up at the last second again to join in with the fun!
Bad neighbours can make life hell, especially if you just want to be left alone and mind your own business. Some people seem incapable of not bothering their neighbours though and I’ve had quite a few over of this sort over the years, perhaps in part because I used to live in the crappy parts of suburbs because the rent would be cheaper.
“Please Karen, I’m sorry I used my mower on my own lawn, don’t have me arrested again!”
So here are Big Angry Trev’s Top 10 Encounters with Bad Neighbours:
*Bad Neighbour #1: Parking-Spot Parionia Karen
Reservoir Victoria, Australia, 1996.
Was living in a block of 5 units in Reservoir. We were probably the bad neighbours to most other residents because it was during my Uni days and used to throw lots of parties. The cops would usually show up and ask us to keep the noise down. We would apologise and immediately do so, but it must have irked the neighbours that this would happen about 8 times a year.
One morning I’m in the shower. My girlfriend who had stayed the night came in to tell me the lady in Unit 5 (we were in 3) had just come to the door and told me to stop the harassment or she would call the police. I had never even said hello to this woman so had no idea what she was on about.
Went and knocked on the ladies door to find out what it was all about. She accused me of parking my car out the front of her place and revving the engine a lot (never happened) to harass her. She then went on about how I shouldn’t judge her just because she’s a single mother (I would have been 19, she looked early 20’s), making it sound like I had already decided she must be a slut or something.
I informed her that I had never revved my car in front of her unit, the most I had ever done was pull up in front so I then reverse in to my allotted spot. Told her that I had never judged her because I knew absolutely nothing about her and that for all I knew she lived with four big guys that would beat me up for even looking at her sideways.
My mother came to visit me a few months later. She asked where she could park and I told her the end spot because no cars ever parked there. My mother did so and within minutes this mad woman was at my door demanding we move the car. As I went to do so the irritation on my face must have been evident as when I passed her she stared to Karen-likeblather on about her rights. I snapped at her ‘why don’t you just move then?’ and then continued to shift my mother’s vehicle. She left us alone after that but we never dared use her parking spot again, which remained completely vacant until we moved ourselves a few years later.
*Bad Neighbour #2: Toothless Nutcase fakes visit by Prostitute
Reservoir Victoria, Australia, 2000
Second place in Reservoir and had moved in with my now-fiancé. Two units this time, with ours being the one closest to the street. The unit at the back had a husband, wife and wife’s father living in it. Had never spoken to either of the men and to her only a couple of times. She was missing most of her teeth, wore these awful singlets all the time that barely covered her unfortunate physique, and would be constantly hosing down their half of the driveway. Like, constantly – maybe for a couple of hours each day!
I went away for a weekend to visit friends out of town and that evening my fiancé rings me up screaming. Apparently the neighbour woman had come over and given her some story about a blond in an SUV showing up and when I wasn’t home had knocked on her door. This supposed blond was asking where I was and then had left a magazine with the neighbour to pass onto me. The magazine was like the Prostitute Quarterly for Melbourne or something – all articles about the sex trade in Melbourne and lots of ads for brothels. One of these brothel ads had all these different messages to me written around it, things like ‘We love your Goatee’, ‘Come back soonTrevor!’ etc, making it seem like I was a prolific and favoured customer.
Took ages to calm my fiancé down over the phone to get her to look at the facts:
A: If I actually had visited a brothel (which I hadn’t), what kind of brothel would be randomly sending out prostitutes from their business to visit their clients homes uninvited? Was this meant to be some kind of after-sales service? And when people visit a brothel, are they required to give their home address? I’m guessing not.
B: If for some unfathomable reason, when you visited a brothel and for whatever purpose gave them your home address, it was unlikely they would send prostitutes then knocking on neighbours doors and asking to leave incriminating evidence.
It all made zero sense except for someone going out of their way to punk me and I finally got my fiancé to see that. When I confronted the neighbour about it she told me the same story she told my fiancé; a blond in an SUV had turned up looking for me and gave my neighbour the magazine. Then she proceeded to tell me that I shouldn’t be getting married if I was doing that kind of thing. So obviously her intention had been to break up the couple next door, but for what reason I never found out.
A few months later they broke in through our backdoor and stole our TV, I found it pawned at a local Cash Converters.
*Bad Neighbour #3: The Drunken Dog-Beater
Werribee Victoria, Australia, 2001
For a short time I rented a house in Werribee. Not long after moving in a drunk neighbour in his 40’s knocked on the door and asked could I please give him a lift as he really needed to get into town. I was sceptical but obliged, part of the reason being I was only 23 and he was much older than me – I hadn’t gotten a handle of saying no to people my senior as yet. Drove him into town and he insisted on giving me a pack of cigarettes as a thank you.
After that at least twice a week he would show up tipsy on our doorstep asking my partner where I was. She would always lie and say I was out (I was usually tinkering in the shed) and he would protest that I wasn’t because he could see my car there. Guy was obviously in need of a friend but I had no interest in being it.
He had 3 big dogs that would howl all the time, pretty certain he was beating them from the way he would be yelling and the anguished noises they would make. Rang the RSPCA about it and they said there was nothing they could do – was pretty surprised and annoyed by that.
*Bad Neighbour/hood #4: Crime Everywhere!
Broadmeadows Victoria, Australia, 2003
Was living in a block of a dozen units in the cheapest part of the suburb. Don’t know how much of it had to do with my neighbours but I got burgled within a month of moving in, then 6 months later came home to find a stolen car in my parking spot with its inside completely stripped.
Bad Neighbour/Housemates #5: The Dodgy Nurses
Cricklewood London, England, 2004
Lived in a slim, 3-story share house in Cricklewood, London. The two girls that ran the share-house, both nurses, were very dodgy – they waited until we gave our deposit before telling us that if we didn’t find someone to replace us when we decided to move out that they would keep our deposit. They would never give us a receipt for any of the rent we paid so we were pretty sure they were overcharging everyone in the house so that they themselves could live there for free. My girlfriend had small items of jewellery go missing as well so we had to start locking our bedroom door.
We were on the top floor and there was another Aussie that had his bedroom across the hall from ours. He would play the same Dire Straights CD over and over again everysinglenight. You’d just be starting to relax when you’d hear “We gotta move these refrigerators” come blasting out of his room. Idiot used to sit up there drinking beer all night every night listening to the same songs, the cops even turned up once because he was throwing his beer bottles out the window onto the busy street below.
After a month we couldn’t take living there anymore so found someone to take our room and got them to give their deposit straight to us. The nurses were livid, it was obvious they had intended to keep our deposit as well as get the deposit off the next guy. We ended up moving a week early just to get out of there.
*Bad Neighbour #6: Stalked for Sex
Grays Essex, England, 2004
Pushy gay guy that lived across the road stalked me for sex. Full story here.
Neighbour had a cat who he never bothered to feed or look after so I ended up feeding it. He kept it locked outside 24/7 and I would come home to find this cat waiting at my back door crying for a pat and some food. Neighbour saw me putting out a bowl of water for his cat once on a really hot day but said nothing so it was an indication he was probably happy someone else was looking after his animal, saving him the trouble. When I moved out I left a note tacked to the inside of one of the cupboards for the new tenants to find, telling them about the cat and suggesting they may want to pick up where I left off.
Had a break-in there, but my housemate was home so the guy got scared off.
*Bad Neighbour/hood #8: Pigeon Lady
Northcote Victoria, Australia, 2009
The lady living to our right was quite nice, but had big bird boxes full of dozens of pigeons right up against our fence, which irked my wife as she hated pigeons. The thing that used to really annoy us though was she would throw tons of white bread scraps over the fence to our dog, despite being asked several times not to because they were bad for our dogs digestion.
One day came home to find the kid over our back fence was throwing rocks over the fence at the clean washing on our line. Got robbed twice while we lived there, once they stole my laptop, the other time they stole our digital camera which still had all the photo’s from my 30th birthday party on it, so I don’t have a single photo from that night.
*Bad Neighbour/hood #9: Our Nature Strip is his Toilet
Swan Hill Victoria, Australia, 2011
In the small town of Swan Hill in Victoria we had neighbours a few doors down that would have a party every Friday night and be blasting really bad country music in their backyard. Then one night while I was away supervising a camp, two drunk guys decided that one of them couldn’t make it home to use the toilet in time, discussed the issue and decided to take a dump on our nature strip at 3am, my poor wife having to listen to the whole performance in the middle of the night alone in the house.
*Bad Neighbour #10: The Grape-Guns of Wrath
Murrawee Victoria, Australia, 2015
Living on a farm you think you would be safe from bad neighbours but we got one when we bought our first property. Things were OK for the first couple of years, then the neighbours decided they were going to grow grapes. So they got three of these huge scare guns that went off on timers to blast every few minutes to scare the birds off. Problem was that they were so loud you could hear them in our house like they were only a meter away! I looked up the rules regarding scare guns in rural areas and you were only allowed to have one blast every 15 minutes and only between the hours of 7am and 6pm. He had 3 guns on 10 minute timers so there was a blast every 3 minutes or so and would go from 6.55am to 8pm every day. It was like we were living in a warzone and it made life hell, as well as disturbing the sleep of our infant daughter and toddler son.
I finally had enough and went over to complain. When I arrived I found he had put one of the scare guns as close to our property line as was physically possible. When he and I began to argue about it I said to him in a reasonable tone “Look, come over and have a cup of tea and you’ll hear what it sounds like in our kitchen”. That chilled him out a bit and made him more reasonable, but the guns never fully stopped during grape-growing season and we were relieved when we moved away 2 years later.
Thankfully my family and I live in an even more remote part of the country now, where we can only see our neighbours by standing on the veranda and looking into the distance. Lets hope our relatively peaceful existence continues.
Got a bad neighbour story? Pop it in the comments section below!
Everyone’s favourite DJ, Big DJ Trev, of local station KRR.fmwill be putting in a live appearance at this year’s Rylstone Street Feast on November 5th! This will be the first time the event has been held since the start of the Pandemicso looking forward to some great tucker!
The most popular DJ on radio (that appears on KRR.fm between the hours of 6 & 9pm on Thursdays).
Video certainly didn’t kill this radio star! Big DJ Trev will be on site between 10am & 5pm, and will graciously pose for selfies and sign autographs. Phone answering messages recorded upon request (payments accepted in either cash or beer). If he is eating however do NOT disturb him – it is not wise to get between a man and his meat because losing a finger often offends.
So come on down and meet Big DJ Trev, it’ll be something to tell your grandchildren!
Whilst taking a break from in interstate drive, at a place most picturesquely named ‘Snake Gully’ in NSW, I happened across a shop that had a few different hot sauces on offer. Never one to bypass a good hot sauce, and figuring a place named Snake Gully must have some really f’ed up ones full of rattlesnake venom or some shit, I purchased a few different ones. Here, after being tested on several different BBQ foods, are my thoughts on one of the several I procured – Crowley’s Flamin Bacon Hot Sauce.
Bacon-y
I should have looked at the back of the label where it said the product was Vegan. Because if vegan’s think this is how bacon tastes, no wonder they are vegan! I would be a vegan too if meat tasted this crap. You know that really bad fake bacon taste you get in a packet of Arnott’s shapes or a bag of potato chips? It’s that. It’s the ‘We’ve used as many different chemicals as possible to simulate what we think the taste of bacon is, without ever going near an actual pig’ taste. Disappointing.
Product says its ‘Extra Smokey’. Yep, I’ll give them that, it does have that nice double-smoked hit to it.
Blurb from website
Extra Hot… not
Liars! No it isn’t extra hot. First of all, the bottle lists no Scoville level, and when I went to the company’s website, the product listing doesn’t list a Scoville level either. No really hot hot sauce worth its salt would be able to get away without listing a Scoville level; they would end up with a lawsuit from some guy who thought he could hack it but instead gave himself a mild stroke. At a rough guess I’d put the Scoville level in the low 5 figures, and for me a hot sauce isn’t worth it unless it hits the 6 figure mark minimum. The most this made me do was take a small sip of water – didn’t make me take a big cleansing gulp of H2O or go for the milk. And did my arse pour liquid lava at 5am the next morning? Nope – tame & lame
Look, for under $20 you aren’t going to get a great hot sauce. For me this hot sauce fails on the flavour with that awful faux-bacon taste, which is only slightly mitigated by the smokiness. The hotness is nothing to write home about, though that said I wouldn’t give it to my 7 year old. It’s great that more Aussie companies are trying their hand at hot sauces, but none seem to have hit the mark yet.
Recommended only for those who can’t handle a proper hot sauce, but want something with enough bite to try and impress other uninformed lightweights.
Isn’t it wonderful when you find a new cut of meat you didn’t even know existed!
For me this Father’s Day it was the Cattleman’s Cutlet. If, like I was, you are ignorant to what that is, it is a giant ribeye still on the bone, looking for all the world like a gigantic version of the little lamb cutlets that usually grace the BBQ.
Oh where have you been all my life!
So today I will give you a quick rundown of how I found to be the best way to cook this big hunk of meat, with a combination of searing and slow cooking.
Step 1: Weigh your meat so you get a rough idea of cooking times. Mine came to 625gms.
Any cut of beef under half a kilo isn’t worth my time
Step 2: Rub salt into the meat half an hour prior to cooking:
Step 3: Rub whatever seasonings you see fit into the meat. For me I used a Smokey BBQ one, but you can use whatever takes your fancy.
Cooking
Step 1: Bring your BBQ to a very high heat.
Step 2: Place your meat horinzonally and sear for approximately 10 minutes
Step 3: Flip your meat, turn it vertical and sear for another 10 minutes
Step 4: Flip your meat. Turn the heat on your BBQ to minimum. Close the lid and let it cook through slowly
A good time to add any other food you are going to cook
Step 5: Open the lid. Flip your meat. Close the lid and let cook slowly for another 10 minutes. Open up and it should be ready to go!
And that’s it. 40 minutes of cooking will result in a cut of meat just that bit browner than medium-rare but lighter than medium, which is just how I like my beef. If you prefer your meat lighter or darker than adjust cooking times accordingly, as you must also do regarding the meats weight. Serve with whatever sides you like – since you’ve got the BBQ on anyway why not chuck some corn on the grill!
