Books are awesome! Nothing better than a good book!
I’ve always loved reading, as has my wife. We’ve been reading to our kids every day, as well as before bed, since they were born so they have developed a love of reading too. Our son has reached the age that he now reads to himself after we say goodnight and during the lockdown we let him stay up late in bed to read his favourite books.
Our daughter however still much prefers to be read to than read herself, though her skills improve every day. Like all kids she’s got some particular favourites that she wants to have read to her again and again…
…and again.
I never thought I could get sick of Cat in the Hat but damn I’d like to grab that hat, pull it all the way down to his feet and then toss that trouble-making feline in a river! Our daughter loves books under the Dr. Seuss banner and night after night we work our way through her extensive library of them. Books beloved from my childhood have now become a chore to read, yet none so more than friggin Go, Dog. Go!
What a fucking pain in the arse this book is! Written by P.D Eastman under the Seuss banner it follows Dogs… er… doing things. Sitting on a house. Sitting under a house. Dogs going in. Dogs going out. You get the picture. And whilst I can appreciate that the book is good for beginning readers to read themselves, its gruelling to get through as an adult when you are reading it to your kid for the 50th time in a row.
And no one is more of a pain in the arse in the book than this fucking bird:
Let me set the scene. A bunch of dog are, naturally, driving their cars:
The dogs are approaching an intersection, going hell for leather. There isn’t a single other car on the road. There is however a prick of a bird walking down the center of the road for some damn reason instead of using the footpath:
Now the bird sets off the traffic light and stands there in the middle of the damn intersection, yelling at the dogs to stop! Nearly causes a multi-vehicle pile up in doing so! The sense of entitlement in this action is Karen-worthy!:
Then the little fucking bastard, after causing all this hassle, walks off down the road, giving permission to the dogs to go again. Look at the expression on those dogs! You can tell they want to jump out of their cars and maul the bird to death and I wouldn’t blame them:
Not only should this bird not be walking down the middle of a road meant for cars, let alone standing in the middle of an intersection yelling instructions at the motorists, but why the fuck doesn’t he just fly?! He’s a goddamn bird!
I swear, if ever they invent a way for people to enter books I wont be going into a Harry Potter novel to do a ‘Voldermort’s got no nose, how does he smell?’ joke at the evil one, no. I’ll go into Go, Dog. Go! and wring that birds scrawny neck.
Fuck I hate that bird.
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