Category Archives: Ask Trev!

Need the answer to that question that perplexes you so? Whether it be life, love, metaphysical, spiritual, sexual or fanciful Trev can shed light on that mystery for you.

Ask Trev: What to do on a fractured foot?

This ‘Ask Trev’ question comes from Shannon in Pendle Hill:

‘What activities are there for someone housebound with a fractured foot?’

 

Some of you may remember Shannon as my big burly guide and guard from my public appearance at the Collectormania Toy Fair last year.  A towering mass of muscle, this lad is not used to inactivity so whereas for the more slothful of us being chairbound might be tolerable, for the likes of him it is a pain in more than just his foot.

‘This man is a dentist, so we can’t show you his face’

So, what can Shannon do when housebound and can’t walk, run or play hopscotch?

The answer most guys will give you is ‘That’s easy – play video games and masturbate!’ but I’m assuming that after several weeks at home already those two activities have been well and truly exhausted, so i’m going a different tact and that is house exploration.  The majority of houses are set up in such a way that everything you use the most is stored at chest height, making for easy access.  Things you never use are stored in the back of the tops of wardrobes and things you use only occasionally are stored on the bottom shelves so that you don’t have to bend down too often.  It is that level you are working at now Shannon, so time to get creative with what is in reach!

 

Make dinner for the family

‘What the hell do I do with these?’

Can’t reach the upper shelves of the fridge or pantry?  Then cook with what you can access.  The wife will be happy as suddenly a male is actually checking out what is in the crisper (a true rarity), so salads aplenty!  Of course, she may not be too thrilled with the Baking Soda, White Wine Vinegar and Pulled-Taffy soufflé that goes with it.

 

Try out a new fashion style

‘Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me!’

Lucky you dude – fashions go in cycles so chances are the old clothes stored in the bottom of your wardrobe are probably the toast of Milan right now!  Forget the clothes up on the hangars you can’t reach; those Corduroy Pants from the 80’s and Hypercolour T-Shirt from the 90’s will go perfectly with your Souvenir 10-Gallon Cowboy Hat from your trip to Texas and the Leopard-Print G-String you usually only wear on Valentine’s Day (or want to scare door-knocking religious zealots).  Talk about sex-on-(broken)legs!

 

Catch up on your viewing

Best. Anthology. Ever.

Can’t reach your fav Blu Rays anymore eh?  Time to bust out the old DVD’s that never get a viewing.  Bring on Weekend at Bernie’s 1, Legally Blond 2, Transformers 3, Jaws 4 and Tremors 5!  Top that off with all 8 seasons of Home Improvement and the hours will just fly by as your brain slowly melts into a pile of numb mush.

 

So enjoy exploring your home on a level that is usually reserved for kids, dwarfs and the cast of Hogans Heroes, you will see your living space from an entirely new perspective!  And if nothing else, it will definitely give you all the incentive you need to heal up at twice the speed so you can get the hell outta that house again!

 

Heal up soon bro!

Got any extra advice for Shannon?  Pop it in the comments section below!

Fanscan interview with Big Angry Trev

This is a transcript of an interview I did where I answered questions from fellow Aussie Transfans – enjoy!
Women want him (to stop belching mainly)
Men want to be him (so that his toys becomes theirs)
He is the Alpha Trion and the Omega Supreme. He is all things to all peoples. As he travels the globe he brings a sense of hope and the scent of heavily fried bacon into the lives of all he touches.
He is a hero of the fanbase
Big Transformer Trev!

Fanscan Interview: August 2017
Subject: Big Angry Trev
Interviewer: Dr. Hook, PhD, OBE, FIBRIR
Master of Processes: Mr. S Megatron

Dr. H: (takes a seat) Thank you for joining me here today.
BAT: (takes the seat opposite) No probs.
Dr. H: Care for a water? Or tea?
BAT: Na. Got any beer? Maybe some jerky or a couple of rissoles?
Dr. H: Er… no.
BAT: I take it a fried egg & bacon sandwich is out of the question?
Dr. H: We have no meat or alcohol on the premises
BAT: Shit, really? Don’t worry then
Dr. H: Ok, we are going to go through some of what are referred to as the ‘stock’ questions, then some questions from some of the Aussie Transfans out there.
BAT: (leans back) Go for it.

Dr. H: Getting straight onto the topic of Transformers, if you had an Allegiance, what would it be?
BAT: Decepticon. I find humanity for the most part to be made up of fricken idiots! I’d love to rule the planet and thusly run it the way I think it needs to be run, under the threat of force from my giant army of killer shape-changing robots from space!

Dr. H: (Underlines ‘messiah complex‘) What would your techspec motto be?
BAT: All shall love me and despair
Dr. H: You stole that from LOTR didn’t you.
BAT: (shrugs) Don’t give a f*ck – always really loved that phrase.

Dr. H: Which existing, official Transformers character best describes you?
BAT: Back in my hippy/backpacker years I would have said Beachcomber. When I was a brash young man I would have said Hot Rod. Now, I dunno, I guess maybe Brainstorm from The Lost Light? Good deep down but a smart arse, slightly amoral and thinks he is more intelligent than everyone else. Chuck in a bit of Whirl psychoticness for good measure andSwerve’s obsessive need to amuse in the hope he will be accepted by his peers.

Dr. H: Which special ability of any Transformers character would you want to have for yourself?
BAT: Blurr’s super speed, I reckon that beats almost every other power if you are too fast to stop or hit. But since I’ve been a kid I’ve dreamed about flying. To have personal flight like the G1 cartoon Cons (a Disney-Movieesque sparkle enters his eyes), what freedom that would be!

Dr. H: How would you rate yourself on a C scale, C10 being MISB Mint perfection to the lowest C1 ‘junker not worth it even for parts’?
BAT: For a long time I’ve felt like C3 at best. In the past few months with no booze, smokes and energy drinks I reckon I’d be a C7 or 8. Or as close to as someone my age can be. I’ve lost nearly 10 kilos and do physical work all day with breaking nary a sweat.

Dr. H: How long have you been a fan of Transformers?
BAT: Since the very first episode aired on TV here in Australia back in 1984 – love at first sight!

Dr. H: And how long have you been a collector?
BAT: As a kid you just take what toys you are given so I reckon I started being a ‘collector’ as a teenager. I started collecting a lot of the reissues that I had originally missed like the combiner groups and stopped when G1 finished. I then started collecting again when a friend gave me a G1 Optimus for my first wedding in 2001 and have been going ever since.

Dr. H: Do you think you will collect Transformers until you die?
BAT: Is that a threat?! (smashes bottle on side table and brandishes it) IS THAT A THREAT YOU FILTHY BASTARD?!?!
Dr. H: (looking shocked and slightly disgusted) No! Now sit down sir.
BAT: F*CK YOU!
Dr. H: I SAID SIT DOWN SIR!
BAT: (sits, looking properly chastised) Ok, no need to be snippy.

Dr. H: Ahem. Now. Do people outside of the general Transformers fandom know you collect TFs?
BAT: (grinning again) Oh my yes, have you seen my ute?

Dr. H: Were your family/parents supportive of collecting toys or did you have to hide your passion from them and friends?
BAT: Mum ran a little toy shop so during my teens I got all my TF’s at cost price. I vaguely remember her being annoyed once when I bought my 3rd pack of Micromasters in the one fortnight. Dad, well, Dad stayed on the farm all his life and had a few issues so to be honest probably couldn’t have told you what I collected, since if it wasn’t related to the farm he wasn’t interested. My friends have always been really supportive of my collecting as an adult.

Dr. H: Given your rather gregarious nature, have you attended any fan-meets, Fairs, Conventions etc?
BAT: When I lived in Melbourne I used to go to Supernova each year but was never aware of any Transformer-specific events.

Dr. H: Being creative, do you do any such endeavors with Transformers such as drawing, writing, customising etc?
BAT: I used to write fanfics about 15 years ago. My Soundwave vs The Borg one was the top rated on Lexicon for quite a while. But no, not really, except for reviews on my blog.

Dr. H: What is your favourite series, era or year, and why?
BAT: I’m a geewunner through and through. I have enjoyed pretty much all the iterations of the Transformers, even the movies, but G1 wins hands down for me.

Dr. H: And your least favourite series/era/year, and why?
BAT: I really didn’t like the first Robots in Disguise series back in the naught-ies. I found the cartoon awful and while many of the toys alt-modes looked fantastic – the best I’d seen since early G1 – I found the majority of the toys had needlessly complicated transformations, especially the 3 Autobot brothers.

Dr. H: Do you collect any of the comics?
BAT: I’ve collected most everything from the Marvel G2 run onwards and have since gotten a lot of reissues of the Marvel G1 ones.

Dr.H: And what have been your favorite comic stories?
BAT: I really loved the first half of the IDW ‘All Hail Megatron’ storyline. It was great to see how easily the Decepticons handed humanity their arse! I quite liked the Sunstorm story arc from Dreamwave and am currently enjoying MTMTE/The Lost Light. And since they were the first comics I ever owned the entire run of, I really enjoyed the G2 twelve-parter, even if the second and third issues were pretty weak.

Dr. H: Collect any cartoons?
BAT: (looks up a pic on his phone and holds it up smugly) You tell me doc.

Dr. H: Er, yes, well done. Do you have a favorite cartoon or episode?
BAT: G1 is da bomb baby. Do people still say that? F*ck it – I’m bringing it back! The mutha-f*cking bomb yo! Optimus Prime actually sounded happy and used to laugh back then! Call of the Primitives was an awesome episode from season 3 but I could happily watch nothing but seasons 1 & 2 for the rest of my days.

Dr. H: Who is your favourite character, and why?
BAT: Aw man, that’s like asking a guy to pick his favorite kid again. Don’t have an absolute favorite but I really dig Soundwave, Swindle, Shockwave, Starscream, Grimlock, Hot Rod, Omega Supreme, etc.

Dr. H: Who do you think is the sexiest Transformer?
BAT: (looks aghast) Dude. They are giant alien robots. There is nothing sexy going on.
Dr. H: I took the liberty of looking at your blog before this interview started. Care to explain this image from one of your reviews then?

BAT: I..I like to have a comfortable mousepad for my wrist is all.
Dr. H: So why did you need two?
BTT: I’ve…. got two wrists?
Dr. H: (sotto voce) And I bet they both get worn out pretty often.
BAT: What was that?
Dr. H: Nothing.

Dr. H: Which Transformers character would you want to exist for real?
BAT: Omega Supreme. Always loved him, plus he is big enough to intimidate entire countries and get me off planet if needs be.

Dr. H: Favourite TFs movie?
BAT: The animated one from 86’ – I can recite every word off by heart and have the soundtrack in my twincab CD player permanently.

Dr. H: Which was your very first Transformers toy?
BAT: G1 Dirge. Got given it for my birthday from a lady my mum used to babysit for. I went that nuts that when it was Xmas the next month I scored both a Mirage and a Cyclonus from my siblings.

Dr. H: Given you have been collecting for over 30 years then, approximately how many Transformer action figures in your collection now?
BAT: I haven’t done a database update for a while but I know earlier in the year I passed the 2000 mark. And I’ve got about a thousand other TF items like clothing, books, mugs and stuff.

Dr. H: Do you keep the action figures sealed or do you take them out to play with?
BAT: I reckon I’ve got maybe 100+ that have never been opened. Half of those would be because I never got around to it, like a lot of the DOTM Human Alliance toys.

Dr. H: Given your impressive collection, how much do you think you’ve spent on your collecting habit all up?
BAT: Oh f*ck knows – thousands, probably tens of thousands all up.

Dr. H: Are any of these particularly rare or expensive?
BAT: The MP Coneheads were stupidly expensive. I spent about $500 on a MIB G1 Scorponok about 5 years ago and over a grand on a 100% complete G1 Fortress Maximus the year before that. Of course 5 months later they announced the reissue that was going for a quarter of that price – was kicking myself. Also got the Botcon Stunticon lot shipping as we speak. As for rare, I do have a G1 Bumblebee red-variant somewhere.

Dr. H: What interesting Licensed Merchandise items do you have?
BAT: I have a tshirt from the actual visual effects team from the first live action movie. An American mate of mine had a friend who worked on TF1 and he passed it along. I’ve also got Big Grim from TF4 as well of course, though he is currently awaiting repair.


Dr. H: What’s one toy you most want?
BAT: One? Bwah haha! You are joking mate – there are bloody tons! If I was to make up a list off the top of my head though from different continuities I’d say:
G1 Overlord
G2 Megatron
BW Blackarachnia
BM Obsidian
RID(01) Scourge
Armada Powerlink Thrust
Energon Beachcomber & Galvatron
Cybertron Skywarp
Animated Blackout & Ratbat
Prime Bludgeon
RID(15) Cyclonus
RescueBots Salvage
Movieverse TLK Leader Megatron
Timelines Slicer
Henkei Ratchet
Arms Micron Breakdown
Titanium Prowl

Dr. H: Whoah – that’s quite a list! I can’t believe you came up with that off the top of your head! One would almost think you Googled the toylines in advance in anticipation of my question.
BAT: (looking shifty) Na, I wouldn’t do that. Hey look over there – that wall is pretty rockin eh!

Dr. H: Moving on. What is the current centerpiece or favoured toy in your collection at the moment?
BAT: Titans Return Trypticon with G1 Overdrive an honorable second.

Dr. H: What was your favourite toy in your early years of collecting?
BAT: As a young kid it was the Stunticons as it was the only combiner group I had.

Dr. H: Which Toy do you like transforming most and why?
BAT: The reissue Powermaster Optimus Prime. That’s so much fun and so satisfying.

Dr. H: What’s the worst toy in your collection?
BAT: RescueBots Quickshadow – what a f*cking piece of shit! Only one damn movement to transform and it still f*cks up!

Dr. H: Along those lines, which toy was most disappointing when you got it?
BAT: Masterpiece Star Saber. Paid a ton for it and its just such an underwhelming toy.

Dr.H: What do you think about gimmicky and non-convertable Transformers toys?
BAT: I have almost zero interest in toy gimmicks, like I’d probably be happier if a lot of the Titans Return toys were not Headmasters. As for non-convertible, if it’s a display piece like a bust or statuette that’s cool, otherwise I don’t see the point of them. I do have most of the Robot Heroes though and love those little guys!

Dr. H: What do you think about unlicensed fan-project figures and accessories?
BAT: I don’t touch’em usually. I got an upgrade kit for my CW Menasor because frankly he looked shit compared to the other gestalts. I also picked up some 3P Quintessons simply as otherwise I’d have no toy of them at all.

Dr. H: Thoughts on the Transformers Brand over the last five years?
BAT: Pretty damn good – it’s an awesome time to be a collector, even if it hits the wallet pretty hard. The Beast Hunters cartoon and the Generations toyline are the definite highlights of the last half decade. The fact we have had two high-grossing live action movies bodes damn well for the franchise as well.

Dr. H: Best Memory with Transformers?
BAT: I’m forming new ones with my son every week.

Dr. H: Worst memory with Transformers?
BAT: When I was a kid I scored Omega Supreme because I literally got down on my knees and begged when I saw him in the shop on a family holiday. A few weeks later the movement gimmick of him stopped working and my mum returned him. A few days after that I was telling a mate at school and he said “Why didn’t you just keep it anyway?” It was such an obvious thing to do, I was kicking myself! Think I even went away and had a little cry.
These days it’s all the fighting and negativity that seems to permeate the fanbase. People seem to think that making personal insults to strangers, over something like a difference of opinion about toys, is fine because its online.  My motto: ‘If you wouldn’t say it to someone in the pub because you’d get a smack in the mouth – don’t say it online!’

Dr. H: In your opinion, which single TF toy should every fan own?
BAT: There are two, both masterpiece. MP Optimus with the trailer and MP Soundwave with the cassettes.

Dr. H: Which Transformers toy/product would you give as a wedding present?
BAT: I got a G1 Optimus for my first wedding and was thrilled, can’t think of a better one to give anyone else.

Dr. H: Do you collect anything else?
BAT: During the post-G1 years I collected memorabilia from the TV show Home Improvement. Clothing, mugs, board games, trading cards – the lot! A few years ago I was collecting anime figures like Super Sonico & Pochaco but it was cutting too much into my Transformers budget and stopped.

Dr. H: (subtly Googles ‘Pochaco’ on his phone, then writes under the other observations ‘probable mazophiliac’) What other interests do you have that are non-toy related?
BAT: Mainly hobby farming. For every minute I spend playing with my Transformers I probably spend a full day working on my farm. Everything from building cubby houses, pirate ships and sandpits for my kids to organically growing fruit, vegetables and the like. I have goats, chooks, ducks etc. I really do love living on a farm in the nice, quiet, beautiful countryside and growing plants and animals. I’ve quit teaching to see if I can make a go of it as a living.
Other stuff? Well I love meat – like I REALLY love meat! My wife was a vegetarian when I first met her 15 years ago – didn’t take me long to lure her back to the winning side. I intend to start making my own sausages soon as well as brewing my own beer.
I’m a big fan of Deadpool and also The Tick.
I’d say my family but that’s not an interest – that’s my reason for existence.

Dr. H: What entertainment do you enjoy for leisure? As in music, movies, tv, books and the like?
BAT: When it comes to music I don’t give a damn what is popular or what genre it is, it’s whether I personally like it. So back in the day I was just as likely to listen to The Spice Girls as I was hard rock. If I have a particular genre I like best it’s probably Speed Metal. The best way to describe it is, if the song makes me want to charge into battle and headbutt a tank then that’s the music for me! If I have a favorite band at the moment I’d say it is Baby Metal. What it will be in 6 months I honestly don’t know. Quite like Hilltop Hoods, Rammstein and The Wombats as well. Best show I’ve seen live was the Jon Butler Trio a few years back.
Movies, my tastes are fairly wide but generally action and/or comedy are the ones that appeal to me. A good sci-fi/horror gets my vote as well. Anything that talks about feelings – no thank you! Anything animated – yes please! I don’t watch movies that much because frankly you can figure out the plot and the probable ending in the first 5 mintues of a flick these days. I really liked Seven because it didn’t have a happy ending.
Television, I don’t really watch much as I’m an outdoors person and of a night we have the kids routine to work through. The shows I make time for would be Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU & Mad as Hell. Just finished season 2 of Arrow. My fav show at the moment would be Rick & Morty – it’s awesome! I’m really hoping the new version of The Tick does justice to such a great character. The only reality TV show I’d ever watch would be if it chronicled me hunting down the f*cker that invented reality TV in the first f*cking place and shoving a movie camera forcibly up his bastard arse! Stupid f*cking shit that it is!
Books, don’t have much time for sadly which is a shame because I’ve always been a prolific reader. I enjoy reading classics that I’ve never encountered before, the latest one would be The Day of the Triffids and before that it was Animal Farm and One flew over the Cuckoos Nest. I’ve read the Discworld series to death and when younger used to read Footrot Flatsover and over. I like Deadpool comics as well.

Dr. H: If you died today, and no that’s not a threat, what would your tombstone say?
BAT: Realistically, and most accurately, probably ‘Loving Husband and Father’. But I wouldn’t mind it saying ‘Trev’s on his way – duck and cover God!

Dr. H: And before we move onto the submitted questions from other Aussie Transfans, is there anything else you would like people to know about you?
BAT: Not really, I’m a very private person.
Dr. H: Yes, evidently so.

 

Quote:
Question by Bas View Post
Did you really get shitty at the thought of Prime being a primate?
Quote:
Question by ‘The Raider’ View Post
Monkey or Truck? 😛

BAT: Ok, let’s put this Beast Wars thing to rest once and for all.
My G1 collecting massively slowed down in the late 80’s as the majority of the Decepticons became weird monster things rather than vehicles. A few monsters and animals I didn’t mind being in there for variety and loved groups like the Dinobots and Predacons, but it was getting too much by 1988 and taking up too much of the line. Hence why I had groups like the Triggercons but not the Decepticon Headmasters. Then came the Pretenders and I absolutely hated them – organic shells seemed so stupid! Where were the armies of giant robots that turned into jets and trucks and sports cars and stuff that I fell in love with in 84’? So my collecting slowly died and I bid Transformers what I thought was a final sad farewell, with the Predator team being the last lot I collected that I really liked.
Animorphs came and went which I didn’t even credit as being Transformers. Then one day in 1996 I was flicking channels and there was some talking rat who looked up to a gorilla standing next to him and called him ‘Optimus’. What. The. F*ck!? I watched a bit more and found out that THIS was the new version of Transformers and that Optimus turned into a gorilla and Megatron turned into a T-Rex and both they and their armies were all really small and had organic alt-modes now. Also they were called Maximals and Predacons instead of Autobots and Decepticons which seemed to be just a bunch of new-age bollocks.
It was blasphemy! It was bullshit! It was a kick in the face to everything I had loved about the franchise! I was beyond pissed off and ranted, usually over several beers at the Uni pub, that this was everything that was wrong with the world and they might as well start dropping the bloody nukes right now!
Of course many years later on I learned better. I learned that these were not the original Optimus and Megatron and that the series actually paid a lot of homage to G1 and was a continuation of it rather than a replacement. Then came Transmetal bodies, The Ark, appearances by Ravage etc and I got right into it. So now I have the DVD box sets, a couple of toys, some comics, a poster etc. Yeah it’s not my favorite iteration of Transformers, not even in my top 5. But I can appreciate it for what it is and there are some episodes from late in S3 I’d happily watch again and again. I really like Depthcharge and have a soft spot for Waspinator.

Question by Scott View Post
So I hear you’re the current Ozformers Member of the Year (2016). The website owner has held this prominent position for many a years. Do you think the voters got ‘boss fatigue’ & voted for a non-traditional member? (just like Donald Trump for the White House)

BAT: I am nothing like Trump!

I don’t think I was Boss fatigue per’se, it was just a bit of fun to vote for someone different. In fact I think he himself had been encouraging people for years to not vote for him. If there is any element of what you are suggesting involved, at most it may be that the site owner is often forced into the teacher role trying to control peoples behavior whereas I’m often at the other end of the spectrum in the naughty-scamp role, stirring shit hither and yon.

Question by Scott View Post
The elections on that site are always shrouded in mud slinging & dirty campaign tactics but never get the light of day. Can you give an insight on how your campaign team was so overwhelmingly successful to achieve 29% of all primary votes.

BAT: It was all a bit of fun really. I Give all the credit to Scotty for doing campaign art!

Question by Megatran View Post
You’ve got more Transformers apparel than most people. Which Transformers apparel are you most fond of? How’d it come into your possession?

BAT: Well I already talked about the tshirt from the visual effects team. I’ve got a light-up Autobot tshirt somewhere that I like for the novelty value and about 8 different G1 Soundwave tops. I think my favorite one at the moment is my Optimus one where he is a Truck because of the message on it.

It’s not remotely PC which always gets my vote but also is self-mocking via the fact that anyone wearing a Transformers tshirt in public is actually very unlikely to be mobbed by the opposite sex.

Question by Michael View Post
My question: It’s no secret you have young kids. What do you do (if anything) to pass the torch of TF fanship to the next generation? Is it a concern for you if they decide to not pursue TFs as a hobby/interest?

BAT: Well considering my sons given names the poor little sod never had much of a chance to avoid the Transformers world. He truly loves it though and to be honest sharing it with him is now the highlight of the hobby for me! I never open a new toy without him and he loves putting the trading cards in my folder, holding the Titan Masters and weapons while I transform the figures and playing with them in both modes. He has a pretty extensive collection for a 4 year old, with the majority of the Rescue Bots, a lot of the Happy Meal figures and a few huge figures like the Stomp’n’Chomp Grimlock and RID(15) Bumbebee. He’s got tons of TF clothing himself as I buy it for him whenever I see it.

I have a crate up in the cupboard full of Transformer stuff for him for future birthdays, many based around his namesake.

My daughter has not fully escaped either. At only two years of age I’m getting her right into my little pony and even made a display of TF/MLP comic crossover covers for her wall.

If they hated Transformers I’d be disappointed but it doesn’t concern me if neither of my kids pursue it as a hobby or interest. They are awesome little individuals with their own lives and their own tastes. After all, I love my wife and I still haven’t managed to get her to even watch AoE yet! It was a major disappointment to my family that, despite me actually giving everything a go such as being on the school cricket and basketball teams, that I had bugger all interest in sport – it wasn’t who I was. I don’t wanna inflict that kinda judgment on my kids or try and force them into something they won’t enjoy – I’ve been there.
Question by JUST CHILEN YO View Post
If you could go back in time to collect a MISB Transformer, either Hasbro or TakTom, what would it be?
BAT: • If it was for desire I’d say G1 Overlord since that is one toy I will probably never own and I’d absolutely love to get my hands on – it looks so damn cool!
• If it was for profit I’d say G1 Fort Max, I’d bring him back to the future and flog him for a fortune!
• If it was out of bitterness, I’d say G1 Soundwave. I gave one to a close mate in my early 20’s and a couple of months later he turned into a total bastard and we weren’t friends anymore, so I regret giving him such a special gift – especially since I may have two G1 Soundwave’s myself but neither have their box.
• If it was MOSC instead of MISB I’d say Squawktalk & Beastbox since they are the only Hasbro Con cassettes I am missing.
Dr. H: Big Angry Trev, thanks for joining us today.
BAT: No wukkas, can you call me a taxi?
Dr. H: You’re a taxi
BAT: Oh, just fu*k off would ya!
__________________

Ask Trev: “What’s Big Angry Trev’s weight loss secrets?”

This question comes from Anonymous in Aberdeen:

‘Hey Big Angry Trev, I see all over the internet you showing off how you’ve been losing all this weight!  Well how about ya share the secret how with the rest of us eh?  Or is it all bullshit and you’ve had a bunch of airbrushed photos done like all the other celebrities – thought you were better than that man’

 

Well, this reads more of an accusation than a question but I guess what this person is asking is ‘How have I been losing weight?’  It’s true, I’ve been losing nearly a kilo a day recently.  I didn’t even realize until my pants felt loose that I was dropping such weight and now it’s quite evident as you can see from this unaltered picture:

If you say this picture doesn’t turn you on then you are a damn liar!

So how have I been doing it?  Well, no real secret formula that any doctor wouldn’t recommend anyway.  It’s just been a change in lifestyle.  Since moving a few weeks ago I have:

  • Cut out alcohol and energy drinks
  • Eaten more often
  • Eaten smaller portions

That’s pretty much it!  But let’s take you through what I am eating in an average day:

 

7.30am

Coffee – no diet should exclude coffee – EVER!

Cup of coffee with milk and 2 sugars

 

8.30am

Breakfast

Two slices of toast with vegemite and a glass of orange juice

 

12.00pm

Lunch

Sandwich: 2 slices of cheese, 3 slices of ham and a healthy dollop of Dijon mustard – all on light rye bread and with a pint of water.

 

3.00pm

Afternoon Tea

A banana, a few crackers or cruskits and a can of sugar-free coke

 

6.00pm

NOT what you should eat, but what you certainly want to (recipe HERE)

Here I can’t provide a regular photo of what I have as what I have changes nightly.  What I can say is what has changed is not so much what I eat but what’s it’s made of and the portion sizes.  And that is because lately my wife has been doing the majority of the cooking.  Why does that make a difference? Well, let’s compare what we put in both our mashed potato recipes:

Her:

  • 3 Medium Potatoes
  • Skim Milk
  • Margarine

Me:

  • 4 Large Potatoes
  • Full Cream Milk
  • Cheddar Cheese
  • Butter
  • Salt & Pepper
  • Gravy on top

So with her cooking it’s proved a lot healthier (and she has the skill of making healthy food delicious which is something I had never thought to master) and because the portions are smaller it means I am eating a lot less, since I also used to eat the leftovers on my kids plates as well.

 

9.00pm

The most g-rated nightcap ever

Cup of soup

 

So as you can see, I’m not exactly starving myself.  Also I’m not eating super-mega healthy either.  But what I am doing is eating throughout the day which keeps my metabolism going, rather than just eating a huge lunch and dinner and nothing else.  Also I’m only having a beer on a Friday night instead of 3 or 4 every night and no energy drinks whatsoever.  Combine this with the smaller portion sizes and I’ve been shedding kilos like a mangy wombat does lice!

 

Oh, and exercise?  Well, yeah, ya gotta move your arse to shrink it.  But as a hobby farmer and father of two I never sat still long anyway so I don’t think that has contributed much to my weight loss.  At most it may be that since I haven’t been smoking the last few weeks, I’m not sitting down for 5 minutes an hour to light one up so I’m doing 1/12th more activity per day than before.

 

So yeah, go lose some weight!  It’s really not hard.  And if you can’t seem to manage it there are always other options.  If you are a guy just grow a huge beard to balance it out and give you that husky lumberjack look. If you are a gal, just have the fat liposuctioned out from where you don’t want it and then stuck into your breasts where everyone will want it – both easy fixes!  Good luck y’all!

 

Got some weight-loss tips of your own?  Would love to read them in the comments section below!

 

 

Ask Trev: I’m gay and I can’t find love – help!

This is a stumper of a question but as you will see, I have come up with a brilliant, if somewhat unorthodox, solution.

Dear Trev, I am a gay male in my mid 30’s.  I’ve been trying for years but can’t find a relationship.  All the good guys my age are taken and all the younger ones only want sex.  What do I do?  I’m feeling lonely and desperate!

 

Well, I have the answer to your problem.  An answer so brilliant I expect I’ll get a float in my honor in Sydney’s next gay pride parade!  This is a solution that will work for most any member of the LGBT community (Well, maybe not the B’s) that finds themselves in the same boat.

 

If you are a gay guy looking for a relationship but genuinely can’t find one with another guy – marry a lesbian!

Come together

Now hang on, don’t tune out or start shouting angrily just yet!  This isn’t as preposterous as it sounds.  Let me explain.

 

I’m not talking about marrying some random lesbian off the street.  I’m talking about marrying one whom you feel a deep emotional connection with and finds themselves in a similar situation.  This is about finding a relationship somewhere else if you genuinely can’t find one in your own demographic, not finding a sexual partner.  And in the end, what is it people really want from a relationship anyway?  Someone to love and to reciprocate that love.  Someone to talk to at the end of a long day at work.  Someone they can cuddle with on the couch watching TV and put their arms around at night.  Someone to introduce to their family and maybe have children with.  Well this platonic arrangement can provide all that and some unexpected perks!

Emotional security

  • You can do all of the above with someone you are not sexually attracted to. You don’t need to share a sexual attraction to love someone and enjoy spending time with them.
  • Being with someone will assuage those feelings of loneliness and isolation. Nothing better than a good hug and chat with someone you love.

Shutting up the small-minded

Disclaimer: I don’t think any gay person should be anything other than proud, or ever feel they have to hide who they really are.  These are just options you could use, if you wished, to deal with a society that is still not as accepting as it should be.  Don’t want these options?  Feel free to bin them.

  • Despite the fact it’s the new millennium unfortunately homophobia, like racism, has refused to die the death it deserves. Do you have a boss you suspect is a closet homophobe and that is why you keep getting passed over for promotion?  Get nasty looks from your Christian neighbors?  Your Mum loves you but keeps asking if you are ‘going through a phase’?  Well this shuts them all the hell up!  Introduce them to your new wife and watch them back off!  It means living a bit of a lie but if it means not having to put up with fricken idiots on a daily basis who will never change their minds, you might consider it worth it.  If not, quite rightly tell them to go f*ck themselves!
  • Want to experience a wedding one day? No waiting around for another decade while the government stalls on a decision that the majority of the public thought was a no-brainer long ago.
  • Want children? Well gay couples can adopt but the system is still biased towards ‘heterosexual’ couples sadly.  This will push you way up the list and provide a child with a much needed home where the parents love each other and will in turn love them.

Sexual fulfillment

  • Want a child that is genetically your own? Both of you get really drunk and engage in a bit of cross-dressing cosplay coitus – it could work!  No going hunting for sperm or womb donors.
  • Sexual jealousy is off the table. You can f*ck whoever the hell you like!  Open marriages don’t usually work because of the jealously one feels when you think your partner finds another man/woman more attractive than you.  Well here you know it’s the case from the start so no problem!  Go get your jollies with as many sexual partners as you like then come home for a nice cup of tea and a cuddle with your spouse.  You will be the envy of all other couples everywhere!
  • It’s way easier to get someone to video tape you during sex. For heterosexual couples you can never find someone (so I hear) as you know whoever is using the camera is attracted to at least one of you.  Nothing ruins a shot like the cameraperson trying to do some ‘audience participation’ right at the climax of the scene.  Here you know your spouse has no interest in either you or the person you are having sex with, so will concentrate on getting the best camera angles possible and the lighting just right.

 

The list goes on and on but I reckon the above illustrates the point well enough.  If you are gay or lesbian and genuinely can’t find another person of your persuasion to have a meaningful relationship with, then this might just be the answer to all your problems.  Hell – it IS the answer to all your problems!  All of the love, none of the fidelity.  You lucky, lucky buggers!

I’ll see you all at the next gay pride parade where I expect I’ll get my trophy for Best.  Idea.  Ever!

Got something to say about the above?  Would love to read it in the comments section below!

Ask Trev: How to deal with molting chickens

One of my favorite readers is Madds whom I have greatly enjoyed watching grow into a fully-fledged chicken-fancier.  Once again we have an ‘Ask Trev’ question regarding chooks from her – this one regarding the molt:

 

Dear Farmer Trev,
Yep, me again seeking more chook advice please.
My girls are losing all their feathers!
At the start of winter!
They’re grumpy, sensitive and edgy, picking on each other, all off the lay.
The place is bedlam – feathers everywhere!
It has been suggested to me that they are having their first ‘molt’.
Is this a thing? Why are they so grumpy?
Why are hey molting in the cold weather?
What the hell do I do with all these feathers?
How long will it last? What can I do to help them?

Thanks Big Farmer Trev,
You noob chicken pal, Madsy.

Worry not sir – just a routine feather inspection.

Well Madds, I will answer your queries one by one:

It has been suggested to me that they are having their first ‘molt’.  Is this a thing? Why are they so grumpy? The molt is most definitely ‘a thing’.  In Australia chooks tend to molt most often in Autumn between March and May so them losing their feathers near the end of April puts them slap bang in the middle of that window.  As for being grumpy, imagine someone nicking your nice warm coat as you were about to traipse off to work on a blustery cold day – you’d be a bit pissed too!

Why are they molting in the cold weather?  So they can get rid of old feathers and start to grow thick luscious new ones to keep them warm when the really cold weather hits in 6 weeks.  They wont lay eggs during this time as all the protein in their bodies will be geared towards new feather growth rather than egg production.

What the hell do I do with all these feathers?  Sell them to a hippy tribal shop to make dream-catchers out of or perhaps stuff a pillow like my mother used to do with all the shed hair from her Shetland Sheepdog.  Otherwise throw into the compost along with the rest of their straw bedding or simply in the buggers.

How long will it last? What can I do to help them?  How long the molt lasts depends from chook to chook and breed to breed but usually goes for a few months.  What you can do to help them is feed them protein-rich foods.  It takes a helluva lot of protein to grow new feathers so they are going to need a lot right now.  Of course don’t feed them an all-protein diet – they still need variety in their tucker.

The best ways to boost protein for your chooks is by feeding them the following:

*Scrambled egg:  Eggs are a rich source of protein and they will chow down on scrambled eggs in jig time!  Don’t give them raw eggs as that will encourage them to eat their own in the future.

*Starter Feed/Shell grit: As I mentioned in this article, starter feed is great for young chooks before you move them onto laying pellets.  However starter feed/shell grit has more protein in it than laying pellets so it’s ok to move them back to it for a while.

*Some fish: Get a big can of tuna or sardines and pop that in for your chooks – they will go mad for it!  Make sure it’s fish in spring water though, not oil or brine.

*Pumpkin Seeds: I’m loathe to mention this as we all know that pumpkins are a filthy disgusting vegetable that deserve eradication from the planet.  But if you are one of those nutjobs that actually likes pumpkin and cooks it from time to time, scoop out the seeds and throw it to your chickens.  This also has the benefit of making sure those seeds don’t go on to make new pumpkins – bastards of things!

 

A combination of the above should certainly help your chickens start regrowing their feathers in time for winter.  But again, make sure it’s not all you give them.  You don’t want them to have a nothing-but-protein diet as that won’t do them any good either.  But their normal diet with some extra protein added should have them starting to get all feathery and happy again by the time winter hits. Hope this helps Madds my friend!

 

Got any other tips for Madds or other hobby farming questions?  Would love to hear them in the comments section below!

Ask Trev: Can you get rid of flatulence odour with a vacuum?  

This question comes from Scott in Yarraville, Victoria: 

Hey Trev. First up Happy New Year to you & your family.
Got a question. Does farting into a vacuum cleaner (while it’s on) remove the smell or is that just ‘hot air’?

Well, this is one of the more unusual but interesting questions I’ve received but I’ll do my best.

I’m supposed to stick what into this?!?

First off, the composition of flatulence is not actually hot air as such but methane gas, caused by the breaking down of food particles in the stomach which then in turn travels through the lower intestine and is released by the anus when either appropriate or comically pleasing.

Now, as to whether having a vacuum cleaner in place will remove the smell.  You say farting into a vacuum cleaner; I’m assuming by this you mean having the nozzle placed outside the sphincter ready to go upon flatulence excretion, rather than just sucking the smell out of the air post eruption.  This shows that you are a still a young man, nearing 40 I don’t always have control of when I let one go, though I’ve found a beef vindaloo the night before will guarantee a plethora of gas as required the next morning.

 

To answer your question I tried the following experiments:

TEST 1: The Dog

Hypothesis: Dogs pass gas all the time, making them excellent to blame your own indiscretions on.

Experiment: Chasing the dog around with a vacuum cleaner switched on induces a great deal of fear from the dog, but little gas to suck up.  Also required a long extension cord and avoiding eye contact with the neighbors.

Result: Inconclusive.

 

TEST 2: My Children

Hypothesis: My kids poop – a lot!  Should be a simple matter of catching them mid-fart before the main show arrives.

Experiment: Following my children around with a vacuum cleaner switched on and pointed at their nappy-wearing bums resulted in a very irate babysitter threatening phone calls to child protective services.

Result:  Again, inconclusive.

 

TEST 3: Myself

Hypothesis: Following small creatures around waiting for them to pass gas was time consuming and seemed to irritate all concerned. Since a good 65% of the time I realize I’m about to pass gas before I actually do, catching myself in the act should be an easy matter.

Experiment: I loaded up on beer and curry, topping if off with a couple of hard-boiled eggs, then let my gut percolate.  After a few hours I could feel that the chamber was full and ready to vent.  So I excused myself to the bedroom, removed my trousers and underwear and got the nozzle ready.  However just as I was about to reap the gaseous gold of my lower intestine my wife walked in…

Result: …finding me standing there half naked, with a switched on vacuum cleaner nozzle near my nether’s and a surprised look on my face.  This seemed to disturb her.  When I informed her that I was ‘simply trying a scientific experiment in vapor removal so as to answer a blog question’, I was called a ‘filthy, lying, perverted f*ck!’ before she burst into tears, got the kids and her suitcases and went to a hotel.

 

So to answer your question – does farting into a vacuum cleaner remove the smell? – all I can say is that it probably does but remains unproven. However I did manage to prove it definitely removes all chance of you being intimate with your spouse for the next 6 months.

 

Thanks for your question.

 

Got a better answer?  Write it in the comments below!  

Ask Trev: How to battle mosquitoes

This question comes from Betty in Boga:

“Dear Big Angry Trev.  My whole family supports you in your war against the mosquitoes!  Do you have any tips for us so that we may battle them too?”

Well Betty, like any great battle there are two main areas you need to consider – offense and defense.  I’ll assume you already have the supply chains to your troops in place so lets get straight to weaponry eh!

 

Offense – Weapon 1 – the HAND!

The best friend of Mozzie haters and single men alike
The best friend of Mozzie haters and single men alike

Not just for self-gratification and the ferrying of meat and beer to the mouth, your hand is your first line of attack when battling the airborne foe.  Mosquitoes don’t fly as fast as flies do so quick reflexes and a clap of the hands wshould guarantee a kill.  Be careful though when slapping them when they have already alighted on you, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve deafened myself by slapping my ear or had to go have a sit down because I whacked at one too hard that had landed on my crotch.

 

Offense – Weapon 2 – the SWATTER!

Not just for bargian basement S&M anymore
Not just for bargain basement S&M anymore

A lot more fun than actually effective.  It gives you good reach and speed but more often than not will just injure – not kill.

 

Offense – Weapon 3 – AIRBORNE SPRAYS!

dscf6059
Choke the fraggers!

Very good for indoors, give a room a damn good spray and watch all mozzies in the area drop like flies!  If they are bad indoors it’s a good idea to give your bedroom a spray before turning in.  Downside of these is that they are not particularly effective outdoors unless you actually hit the target.  One trick I have learned is to leave the outdoor light on for an hour at night, then go and spray the million mozzies that have been attracted to it.  Of course, that’s a lot of corpses to be cleaned up in the morning but since they are your enemies you should do it with a vengeful smile on your face!

 

Offense – Weapon 4 – the ZAPPER!

Ah the serenity
Ah the serenity

Puts out UV light which attracts the mozzies and then when they get too close ZAP!  Instant electrocution!  I went and bought the biggest one I could find.  There are a few downsides though.  Very ineffective during the day as their light is drowned out by the sun, even if you hang them in a shady area.  Also the bigger ones need to be plugged in which usually necessitates it being close to your house or shed.  Personally I have mine hung under the verandah as far from the front door as possible since they need to attract mozzies to the area before it can kill them.

 

Defense – Weapon 1 – CREAMS and SPRAYS

Lather yourself up baby!
Lather yourself up baby!

Lots of different bug repellents on the market and all work to a greater or lesser degree.  The mozzies we have this season seem to happily pierce clothing so I give my clothes a good spray of Aeroguard as well before going around the farm.  There are lots of kid friendly brands and you can get creams that are both sunscreens and big repellents in one.

 

Defense – Weapon 2 – CITRONELLA CANDLES

Both pretty and punitive
Both pretty and punitive

These may seem a bit hippy but they do work.  They give off a smoke from the wax and wick that keeps the mozzies at bay.  While having a candle or two lit is always nice, these are completely ineffective on a windy day outside and are too smelly to use indoors.

 

Defense – Weapon 3 – INDUSTRIAL GRADE BARRIER CHEMICALS!

F*CK YEAH!
F*CK YEAH!

Now we are talking!  These are designed to keep damn near every bug in existence away!  Spray it on the ground, ants wont walk over it.  Spray it on the walls, the smell sends away the fliers.  Spray it around doorframes, no spiders trying to get in.  Really does work a treat!  I use Insectigone which, while not as strong as some others, emits no odours humans can detect, has no detrimental effect on kids or animals, and if you reduce the dosage (you mix this stuff with water then spray it) you can even spray it on plants!  I’ve given my veranda a good going over and since I’ve done it I only get a couple of mozzies there a day instead of dozens.  Only downside with these are if the mozzies are already chasing you or actually on you, they wont give a damn when you cross the barrier line and then they are trapped in with you until you kill’em.  Also these are usually available at places that sell proper chemicals, not supermarkets.

 

Good luck with the war Betty – and as a great man once said – KILL!  KILL THEM ALL!

Ask Trev – Chicken care questions

One of the first questions I got for ‘Ask Trev’ was from Maddy who was asking if she should get chickens.  Well, happily she took my advice and now has a little brood of her own.  So now we have some follow up questions about their care which I will address today.

 

Dear Farmer Trev,

Ok, so I got chooks.
19 week old pullets. They are all New Hampshire cross breeds. One Australorp cross (proving to be the noisiest), a white leggorn X and a Rhode Island Red X. The tiniest (white leghorn cross) has already come on the lay but one of the others (or potentially her) is smashing up her eggs before I get to them. How do I stop this behaviour?

Small egg: From our Frizzle Chickens. Large egg: From our Muscovy Ducks.
Small egg: From our Frizzle Chickens.
Large egg: From our Muscovy Ducks.

Though it may not be, chances are she is smashing her own eggs.  The chooks are not after the egg within, but rather the shell itself as their system breaks down egg shells in order to make more egg shells and if their system is not getting enough of what will make the shells of their eggs strong enough, they will destroy their own.

I’d recommend getting a big bag of shell grit.  It’s this grey granules stuff that looks like coarse sand.  Contained within is everything that a chicken needs to make the shells of its eggs stronger (and as a result harder for them or their coop-mates to break) and should stop them feeling they have to break existing eggs to get those nutrients.  If your chooks were bigger or older I’d suggest laying pellets but shell grit for their current state will work best.  You can also throw old egg shells back into the chicken coop for them to peck at and break.

 

Also – hen pecking – tiny has already started hen pecking the red. How do I address hen pecking if it gets really bad? Or is this the natural order of hens and there’s nothing I can do?

It’s the natural order babe – it’s where the term ‘Pecking Order’ comes from.  There is nothing short of having them in completely separate coops that you can do.  Just let them figure it out for themselves and hopefully it should die down.  My chooks have stopped it now they have figured out their hierarchy, though my ducks still engage in it after being together for a year.

 

Finally – Is there anything they really, really should not be fed or any tips for super happy hens?
Thanks Big Farmer T.
-Mads.

Kitchen scraps, wheat and either shell grit or laying pellets should give them all the sustenance they need.  There is not much that can harm a chook as if it’s a food that’s not good for them they won’t eat it (case in point with potato peelings).  And of course don’t feed them any kind of bird meat, though once again they probably wouldn’t touch it anyway.  A small garlic clove dropped into their water once in a blue moon is good for keeping away mites.  Also get yourself a wormwood plant, grow it to a nice size in a pot and stick it in their coop.  They will peck at it now and then and it’s great for keeping away fleas and other insects that will bother your chickens without driving away the bugs they like to eat.

As for super happy hens, just plenty of food, water, shelter, protection from predators and as much space to scratch around as you can manage and they should be happy little hens indeed!

 

Ask Trev – “What am I thinking?”

This question comes from Lucielle, all the way over in Gauteng in South Africa “What am I thinking?”

Well, my educated guess would be “Holy crap!  I asked this question 4 months ago as a joke – he is actually answering this?!”  And I bet I am not far off the mark 😉

IMG_4388

But the truthful answer is that I don’t know because I am not a mind reader.

 

Do you know why I am not a mind-reader?  Because mind-readers, psychics, soothsayers, precognitives, astrologists, fortune tellers, tarot card and palm readers and all of their ilk are FULL OF F*CKING SHIT!

No-one can read your mind – NO ONE!  This is NOT a debate people, they can’t do it!  And anyone who says they can are either self-deluded or a con artist or most likely both!  After a while people begin to believe their own bullshit.

I won’t go into how these people trick you in to thinking that they are psychic or can read your mind or the future – that has been well documented.  Everything from your age, sex, expression, tone of voice to even the state of your home tells them a wealth about you and after years of experience these people are very good at it.  They know what you want to hear, they know what you will believe, and they will tell you exactly that.  They are TRICKING YOU, they are CONNING you, they WANT YOUR MONEY!

And what tells them more about a person than anything else is usually that the person was gullible enough to fork out their money to them in the first place.

I don’t mean to criticize people who believe this stuff – oh wait, I do.  And I do it because I care so with all tact may I say – WAKE UP!  It’s 2016 – how many times do people need to prove to you that this stuff is bullshit before you catch on?  Why believe the loonies but not the educated folk?  It’s along the same lines as people who believe that immunizations cause Autism – they will happily believe a doctor who was so off the mark he got stripped of his medical licence and became a joke in his field, but not the reputable doctors, scientists and warehouses full of information that prove beyond doubt that Autism has nothing to do with immunizations!  And it’s their kids that suffer.  And if  parents are spending money on these psychic cranks instead of food and shelter for their kids then I’m guessing they are suffering too.

I think the perfect  example of how all this is crap is that they now have televised psychic hotlines.  Dear Primus – have you seen the women manning these phones?  None of them look psychic to me, they all look like they dropped out of high school, bought really bad jumpers at a thrift store and then found jobs where they could sit on their ever-expanding arses and just talk bullshit into a phone, all whilst charging some poor sucker a minimum $5 a minute!  (By the way, for those people that ring phone sex lines, I’m guessing that my description above applies there too, not a lot of super-models are doing that job).  What are the people ringing these lines thinking?  I mean – they can SEE who they are talking to!  I wouldn’t trust these low-rent bitches to advise me on how to boil an egg, let alone how to live my life!

And now there are ‘Pet Psychics’ – people who will tell you what your goldfish is thinking.  I mean – f*ck!  Are we really still this stupid as a society?!?

All of this points to the fact that perhaps stupid people breed too much and that we need to enforce laws where bullshit is outlawed.  They should have a special crimes division – the ‘AMPED’ Crimes Unit where they bust charlatans for ACTIVELY MAKING PEOPLE EVEN DUMBER’.  They should be able to bust down doors and say “Nope – what you are doing is a load of wank and if you don’t knock it off we are putting a f*cking bullet in your skull!”  Also perhaps mandatory sterilizing of any of their customers who, after being shown evidence to the contrary refuse to stop believe in this stuff, is a good idea. We are facing a resources crisis this century people – in 50 years there won’t be enough fresh water to support the planets population.  How about we stop the people that refuse to stop believing in psychics breeding and shoot the unconscionable f*ckers that prey on their gullibility and stupidity?  At the rate society is going, I reckon that at a conservative estimate this would probably equal at least 1 in 10.  Knock all them off and the planet might just survive being infested with this scourge called humanity after all.

Lets put it in the next census and make it not confidential – “Do you believe in psychics and will never change your mind?”  If you tick ‘yes’ then the next day a van comes around with two big burly doctors saying ‘Sorry, you’ve lost the rights to your reproductive organs because chances are you will have a kid with someone just a stupid as you and your kids will end up even dumber yet again.  We need all the water and oxygen for the non-morons’.  And it would work because anyone stupid enough to believe in mind-readers after having it explained why it is false would be stupid enough to tick ‘yes’ on the form, even knowing the consequences.

I know I am coming across harsh here.  The majority of the people that read this blog most likely don’t believe in psychics and palm reading and all the rest, but there may be some that do.  Believe it or not I am on your side.  Because I want you to stop believing in things that aren’t true.  I want you to see through the veil of bullshit.  I want to meet up with you in a bar and be able to say “You stopped letting these liars and moral leeches sucker you in and steal your money, let me buy you a beer!”  I’m begging you to respect yourself and please – don’t believe any of it!  Just don’t.  Be smart, be smarter than the bullshit artists.  And bust your friends when they are dumb enough to fall for one of these fraudsters cons – you will be doing them a favor.   There is a difference between allowing people their beliefs and allowing people to believe complete and utter false crap pedaled by people with no conscience whatsoever.  If you believe in all this stuff and think I have just been really mean to you, I can guarantee you I am not being as mean as they are because they are lying to you and taking your money on purpose – I’m just trying to give you a mental slap in the face so you can not be taken advantage of any more.  I’m showing you respect by believing you can change – they are disrespecting on so many levels its not funny.  There is so much cool stuff to believe in in this magnificently huge, spectacular universe – you don’t need to believe in total crap like tarot cards, again – respect yourself!

 

Hmmmmm, and now my super-senses are telling me that Lucielle is thinking “Holy shit, Trev needs to calm down, I was just joking!”

 

Question answered Lucielle my friend 🙂

Ask Trev – Who should I vote for in the Federal Election?

This question comes from Sarah in Swan Hill “Which Party should I vote for in the 2016 Federal Election?

Well it’s hard to say.  Lots of people treat Political Parties like Football teams, as in they pick one and then support them their whole lives, regardless of what players are on the team or how the team has been performing.  I’ve never understood this mentality myself but then I don’t understand why people willingly eat tofu.

To be honest, none of the parties are much chop this time around.  Let’s have a quick look at whose on offer:

The Liberals – used to be the ones to vote for if you wanted financial stability, now just a bunch of old argumentative fraggers whose whole campaign seems to revolve around ‘Well since we are in already, why not just go with it?’

The Nationals – while they may give a crap about the farmers they have been the Liberals whipping party for so long they just go along with whatever their masters decree.  Ball gags and sodminzation are the order of the day when the two parties have a get-together.

Labor – the Political Party equivalent of a plain bread sandwich.  Unappetizing, boring, and not much of interest to be found within.  Their main selling point ‘We are not the Liberals’

The Greens – the ones to vote for if you have a social conscious, not the ones to vote for if you think that maybe another war would be good to cull all those bloody dole-bludgers.

The Sex Party – they promote having lots of sex – yay!  The woman who runs it has been known to distribute the Warrick Cappa sex-tape and there is simply no excuse for that – ever!

Family First – Does everyone in your family think that Jesus is just the best and that homosexuals are evil? Then maybe this party really is thinking of your family first.  Are you gay, an atheist, a foreigner or combination of the above?  Then your family is coming dead last under them!

The Jackie Lambie Partybwah hahahahahaha!  Pauline 2.0!  Nuff said.

 

So, who should Sarah (and all of you) vote for?

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Well the answer is simple – VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY!  You want some action in your local community or your region?  Then DO NOT VOTE FOR WHOEVER IS ALREADY IN POWER IN YOUR SEAT!

Here is why – think about it – which are the seats that the pollies are visiting the most and promising the most to?  The seats that could swing either way, that’s which ones!  It’s the equivalent of a relationship – if you’ve been in one for years and years you probably don’t try as hard as you used to.  You know that your partner is not going anywhere so why go to the hassle of romancing them?  But that new relationship?  That’s full of flowers, chocolates, romantic dinners and saucy underwear that would get you locked up in some countries.  You are out to impress them, you are out to woo them and you are going to do whatever it takes to win their hearts.

The electoral seat I live in has been overwhelmingly won by The Nationals since its inception.  You know what we get promised and what we get delivered each election – bugger all!  It’s also why they can afford to put one of the most blatently racist and homophobic Nationals Members in the seat – because even he couldn’t lose it!  But those seats like the one near Ballarat which could go either way, they just got promised a multi-million dollar industrial development to increase jobs in the region and both the major party leaders have made visits in the last month.  Closest we’ve come to a Prime Ministerial visit was when Bob Hawke stopped to have the septic tank on his campaign bus emptied during his drive from Melbourne to Adelaide.

So VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY, vote for whoever is most likely to upset the balance of power in your political seat and knock out the incumbent!  It might not do you much good this election, but sure as shinola come the next election you can sit on your porch and watch the Olympic-sized swimming pool getting built next to the new combination multiplex theatre, strip club and sushi bar while pollies from both sides of the fence rub your feet, tickle your belly and pledge to erect anatomically flattering statues in your honor.

 

Or of course, you could always vote for this guy