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Ask Trev: Would you collect anything besides Transformers?

July 1, 2024 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

This question comes from master filmographer Pieter:

If The Transformers never existed do you think you would you have become a die hard collector of anything else like perhaps Robotech, Star Wars/Trek etc?

I’m going to have to give a big YES to that, though I’m sure never to the extent I have Transformers. I’ve collected various other things over the course of my life, and if I didn’t have Transformers I think my collections of them would be a lot bigger than they are. Given how much I spend per month on Transformers, the rest of my nerdy passions don’t get much of a look in.

Mid 90’s: Home Improvement Merchandise

Remember the 90’s sitcom Home Improvement? Back in the day I LOVED that show! Maybe it was because from 1987 onwards I lived away from my father, who had tried to be a good Dad in his way, but was 50 when I was born and already suffering from Paranoid Schizophrenia and Manic Depression. Thus he wasn’t a father who was overtly loving or would play catch with me at the park. So watching a TV Dad who openly loved, played and did activities with his sons, as well as being funny, perhaps was a substitute for something my own life was missing.

During the 90’s I wasn’t collecting Transformers as I wasn’t a big fan of Beast Wars, so for a while I collected Home Improvement merchandise. This included everything from collector cards, posters, jumpers, t-shirts, socks and even a board game.

Mid 90’s:/2000’s: The Tick

I love The Tick! He is by far and away my very favourite super hero and has been since the cartoon came out in the 90’s. I don’t have a great deal of The Tick merchandise, but truthfully in part that’s because there isn’t that much out there, as super heroes go he is on the obscure side.

Late 90’s: X-Men Comics

I used to collect X-Men comics in the late 90’s. Sadly when I moved in with a girl I gave a ton to a mate to hang onto who subsequently lost them, and now only have the special edition ones I kept for myself.

Early 2000’s: Men’s G-Strings

Wow – the ‘Censored’ sign somehow makes this photo look way worse than it actually is, you’d see worse at any swimming pool (maybe).

Hold up! This isn’t as pervy as it sounds! And they were all mine, not someone else’s!

When backpacking around Europe in my mid 20’s I had to lug all the clothing I had in my backpack and didn’t get to wash clothes that often. And two or 3 thongs would take up the same amount of space in my swag as one pair of boxer shorts would. So by wearing mens g-strings I could triple the amount of underwear I had before I had to find a laundromat in whatever country I happened to be in – now that’s just good common sense for a world traveller. As I traversed Europe I would occasionally pick up a new one at places like a fancy men’s underwear store in Florence.

When I arrived back in Australia I found I had accrued quite a few. The oldest have been tossed now. Back then I was young and very fit, these days it would look like wrapping a rubber band round the bottom of a pear. Ah but back in the day, it was amazing how many bar patrons across Europe would buy drinks all night for a Mad Aussie dancing round in a blokes thong – a great money saver!

90’s/2000’s: Star Trek

I’ve seen most everything made in both franchises, though admit to being far more of a Trekkie than a Star Wars fan. I bought nearly every Star Trek book written by Shatner, but never collected Star Trek merchandise in a huge way. Back in the 90’s I collected the ‘Star Trek Fact Files’ that came out each week for $5 and could be put into associated binders. Considering that there were a bit over 200 issues I guess that was a thousand bucks over 4 years which was a decent bit of cash. Sadly I had them stored in a shed and mice got into them so they are pretty wrecked now.

Star Trek V: Kirk vs God

2000’s: Anime Statuettes

They’re from Japan – that makes them cultural instead of pervy.

For a while about 15 years ago I collected Anime Statuettes from some of my favourite Japanese cartoons and ended up with maybe a couple dozen. However parenthood changes ones perspective, and given the… ahem… proportions of many anime girls, they didn’t seem appropriate to have on display anymore, so I stopped collecting and those I had got packed away and have spent a decade in a box in the storage shed. I might get around to selling them off one day as I don’t think I’ll really ever want to display them again.

2010’s: My Little Pony

When I was the househusband and not working for 6 months when we first moved to NSW I used to watch My Little Pony with my young daughter each morning, and found it to be very entertaining and something we could share! So both she and I started collecting MLP figures, myself specializing in Rarity figures since I found her hilarious!

Movie Review – My Little Pony

However the cartoon came to an end and she got older and lost all interest. She actually donated her MLP toys to me and I was a bit sad to see something we had enjoyed together cast aside. I kept a bunch of the Rarity ones, the rest went to goodwill as the joy for me came from collecting them with my daughter and sharing the hobby rather than the figures themselves.

Pictorial Toys Review – My Little Prime & Plasmane

Now my daughter is into Lilo & Stitch and I do try to share the hobby with her as best I can, but for my money the Ponies were more fun.

Video – Stitch: Toys and Facts with Acacia!

80’s/90’s/2000’s: Ghostbusters

‘Who ya gonna call? A middle-aged man cosplaying!’

If I didn’t collect Transformers, I think this would be mainly what I would collect now. I adore Ghostbusters, it is definitely my No.2 pop culture love. I’ve got a full uniform (gets busted out once a year to take my kids Trick’or’Treating), a few toys, DVD’s, video games, a board game etc.

Though nothing will ever equal the the first two movies for me, I love that the franchise is still kicking strong today.

Ghostbusters Movies: All 5 ranked from Worst to Best!

Hooray for Crossovers!

Two times the fun, wrapped up and rolled into one!

So while I may not be able to afford to collect much outside of Transformers, luckily there are Transformer Crossovers! Between comics and toys Transformers has crossed over with the likes of Star Wars, Star Trek, Jurassic Park, Avengers, X-Men, Mr. Potato Head, Ghostbusters, Street Fighter, Back to the Future, Terminator…. heck, even Angry Birds!

So these crossovers have enabled me to dip my toe into other sci-fi genre’s without having to compromise my Transformers budget.

Toys Review – Street Fighter Transformers

Toy Review – Ectotron

So yep Pieter, I would definitely still collect something. And maybe its in the blood because my son also collects Transformers and my daughter collects Stuffed Animals & Stich merchandise. But would I have a Ghostbustertorium Shed or MyLittlePony Stable? Probably not. Transformers have been producing toys for the last 40 years and never so much as in the past 20, and with dozens of different cartoons and movies, hundreds of different characters and thousands upon thousands of different toys, I don’t know how many other passions could have offered so much variety – it’s a lot of fun! But there will always be one small cabinet in the corner of The Transformatorium for those little extra’s from my other nerdy loves.

Thank you Pieter for your question.

If you would like to see some of Pieter’s great work, check out the short film he did about my Transformatorium!

Video: The Transformatorium: EXTENDED CUT

Do you collect something interesting? Why not tell us about it in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!, Tales of the Trev

Ask Trev: Your first album and first concert?

June 19, 2024 Big Angry Trev 3 Comments

This question comes from fellow radio DJ and old Uni mate from Victoria – Lifon:

First album you bought and first concert you went to?

Well lets examine these sequentially, as my first concert was actually before my first album. And neither story is going to make me look particularly cool – prepare to have your illusions about what Young DJ Trev was like shattered! I’m sure Lifon, who is the exact same age as me (to the very day!) is going to be shaking his head at what his contemporary was up to. But cut me some slack – it was the 90’s!

First concert

Considering my favourite genres are Alternative Rock, Speed Metal and J-Pop, you might expect something like a mixture of Rammstien and Baby Metal. But nope. I’ve seen lots of great Aussie performers live over the years, including Jon Butler Trio, Silverchair, Powderfinger, Josh Pyke and so on, and a few really good international acts as well, including the king of satirical songs – Weird Al Yankovic.

‘A Day on the Green’ music festival 2008

But my first concert? We are talking back in 1992 at the tender age of 14, and that was Girlfriend.

Remember Girlfriend? No? That’s ok, nobody else does either.

It was an Aussie girlband with 5 members, with soft-hitting pop songs aimed at a young teen audience.

Not really my music even back then, but I lived in Bendigo in country Victoria and not a lot of big bands visited the town back then, let alone bands that held gigs for under 18’s.

So off with my mate Matt we went, dropped off at the Bendigo Basketball Stadium by our mothers. Even at the age of 14 we were probably amongst the older ones there, and probably some of the few males.

But hey, it was a live music show that wasn’t country and our parent’s weren’t attending with us – we were so totally there dude!

It was… an ok time. At 14 I was too shy still to try and pick up any girls. In fact the only girls I talked to that night kept accusing me of pushing against them when we were all at the front of stage watching the band. Didn’t matter how many times I explained I wasn’t pushing them, it was the 50 other people pushing me in that direction, I got hate stares all evening.

Come to think of it, one of those girls years later turned out to be the best friend of my first girlfriend. She didn’t like me any better then either.

But what was super exciting, besides for a young teen boy in a country town getting to see hot leggy girls from the city dance on stage, was that Girlfriend was shooting crowd shots for their upcoming video ‘Bad Attitude’.

And yes, in the music video you can see the arms of a gangly teen – with one of those big thick ugly watches on his wrist, one where the all the rubber loops were busted so the all the spare band stuck out at a 90 degree angle – clapping along with the music.

Yes thats my hand. Know how I know its my hand? Because back then I taped the clip off Video Hits onto a VHS and watched it back 50 times until I spotted my arms – so there!

So no it wasn’t a particularly cool band, I didn’t pick up any girls, and I was both dropped off and picked up by my mother – but that was my very first concert.

First Album I bought

I suppose my actual first several albums were all compilation albums from the early/mid ninties, but they don’t really count as my first proper album purchased because of a specific artist or band. And the tale of that may be as embarrassing as Girlfriend being my first concert. Not so much the album iteself but the circumstances.

Ya gotta remember, in High School in Bendigo I worked at a fruit shop for less than minimum wage (like $4 an hour). At Uni in Melbourne, besides the odd job doing Extra work in movies and on TV shows, I didn’t have a job at all as I was studying full time. Thus I never had much money to buy music. What money for frivolities I did have in High School used to go on comedy CD’s & video games, and when at Uni going to nightclubs, as well as hitting pubs where I would often watch mate’s bands perform. Having buddies in bands was the best! Why spend $30 on a CD when for a couple of beers your mate’s whole band would come round your party and play! Outside of live music I mainly listened to Triple J and sometimes Fox.fm, and use my Boom Box to record songs off the radio onto audio cassettes to listen to later.

State of the art technology – this one even transforms!

Can this get any more 90’s? It sure can!

So the first album I bought because of a specific artist? We are talking 1996 here and it was Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill.

Channel my heartbreak Alanis -give voice to my inner dispair my Canadian diva!

Why in the name of all that is musically holy did I choose that one as my first album to buy? Especially given I was aware of so much other great music around? Well let me tell you.

Remember I mentioned a girlfriend before, my first ever one whose best friend didn’t like me? Well, I had driven 200km back from Melbourne to Bendigo to see her for her birthday and attend her birthday party. It was at that party, in front of all her friends, that she not only dumped me but announced she had been cheating on me for weeks and had only kept dating me so she could get birthday presents off both my mother and I before we split up. Thus was the lack of shame inherent in a 19yo Bendagonian girl. Strangely after all that and decades of no contact she friend requested me on Social Media a while back (which I politely ignored) – people on the net are weird eh!

I was beyond heartbroken and drove back to Melbourne and promptly locked myself in my room to sob. However I did venture out on occasion to buy food and also buy Jagged Little Pill.

Why that album? Because half the songs on that album were from the perspective of the recently dumped and they, like me, were bitter as hell – Alanis knew my pain she did!

My poor housemate. He must have heard that Canadian songstress belting out ‘You oughta know’ through his wall for 14 hours a day for a week straight. But I was there to (somehow psychically) remind my ex of the mess she left when she went away. It was not fair to deny me the cross I bared when she went away – she, she, she oughta know!

To be fair to Ms Morissette, the album did the trick. I engaged in a full week of heartbreak and bitterness and loss and lamentations of ‘I’ll never love anyone else ever again!’ Then after that week I went out, let my friend Maddy shave my head, got an earring, started growing a goatee and within a fortnight was shagging someone else. No months of self-pitying torment – indulge the pain hard and fast and then move on – that’s the ticket!

From a cowlick and cleanshaven to a buzz cut and goatee within a few weeks. The camo gear is a bit worrying though…

Isn’t it funny how fickle 18yo’s are, a girl can be the love of your life, but as soon as she dumps you and another girl offers to **** your **** and ****** on your **** and **** whipped cream ****** **** French maids outfit **** *** ******** trapeze **** ***** trained gerbil ******* *** then you say ‘Well that’s those sheets ruined, might as well bin them’, then that previous ‘eternal love’ seems to have evaporated – isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think?

I’ve got draws and draws full of awesome albums now I bought over the decades before everything went digital, but yes – Alanis was my first. Now if you’ll excuse me I got places to be, cause I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other’s hailing a taxi cab.

Thank you for your questions Lifon.

Don’t forget, if you want to hear how Big DJ Trev’s music tastes have improved over the decades, tune into The Big DJ Trev Show on Krr.fm 6 to 9pm Thursdays AEST, and tune into Lifon’s Show The Wave on Main.fm 6.30 to 8pm Saturdays.

I’ve shared my first album and concert with all of you, how about you share your first album and concert in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!, Transformatorium

Ask Trev: Different reactions to The Transformatorium

June 18, 2024 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

This question comes from Adam in Melbourne:

“What’s the strangest reaction you’ve had when people see The Transformatorium?”

(Or as Adam put it: ‘the nerd shed’)

Well that’s a toughie, I’ve had at least a few hundred visitors to the shed since I first got it set up nearly 4 years ago. Some people travel hours to specifically tour the shed and sometimes fathers contact me, wanting to bring their sons for their birthdays. Conversely, sometimes it’s an unsuspecting tradesman visiting our farm, such as a mechanic or labourer, getting dragged in with a ‘Hey, you want to see something cool?’ line from yours truly. Usually I do the lighting start up sequence, where shelf after shelf gets lit from the bottom up, ending with ignition of the ceiling light. There is usually a lot of ‘Oh wow!’s followed by that moment of stunned amazement as people try to visually process what they are seeing, being completely enveloped by Transformers on every wall and even the ceiling.

Their subsequent reactions tend to be based on who they are and why they are seeing it.

People that know about The Transformatorium

**Jason**, **Trent** and **Dallas** – all travelled 3 hours to come hang out in the shed.

Reactions from people who have specifically come to see the Transformatorium, or at least are aware of its existence before visiting our place on other business are pretty standard:

Those coming to see the shed tend to go very quiet after their initial excitement, wandering around getting lost in the thousands of toys surrounding them. They methodically work their way through shelf after shelf, seeing if they can spot any figures from their childhood.

Those who were aware of the sheds existence, but didn’t come specifically to see it, show bemusement a lot of the time. This is often the mothers of the friends of my children, who are dropping their kids off for a playdate or party, and have been taken in for a look. They seem impressed but also have a ‘why would anyone do this?’ look upon their faces.

People that don’t know about the shed

Lachlan came to clean an underground water tank – ended up getting a full tour he wasn’t expecting!

It’s the people that aren’t even aware that The Transformatorium exists (how that can be I do not know – the level of ignorance in society can be shocking sometimes!) are ones that give the most varied reactions, though the first reaction is always surprise as no one expects to see such a thing on a farm in the middle of nowhere. In fact only last week my daughters new singing teacher (a very talented young woman who has appeared on The Big DJ Trev Show before) saw the shed for the first time, as did her mother later when she came to pick her daughter up.

The mother was extremely impressed and spent a long time looking around the shed. In fact when her two other younger daughters were asking to leave after nearly half an hour she said ‘No, I haven’t finished looking yet’.

However when the singing teacher took a look, her reaction was almost accusatory. ‘How much did all this cost?’ I believe were her exact words. In that scenario I was the one that was bemused.

People online

Most people on the internet are very complimentary when they first see a photo. I’ve received all kinds of compliments, and sometimes comments such as ‘I want come live there’ or ‘will you adopt me?’.

Some people say it looks like a store which I’ve always found a bit odd, though I take it as a compliment as to how they are displayed. Other people react with questions, often about dusting but sometimes other things such as how many Transformers I have or the dimensions of the shed.

The Transformatorium – most popular FAQ’s

The Visitor Book

We used to have a carpet cleaning company come out once a year that was run by a husband and wife. When I showed the husband the shed he swore a lot (in a good way), looked about, then went and got his wife from inside our main farmhouse ‘Ya gotta f*cken look at this!” I believe were his exact words to her. It was actually his suggestion for me to get a visitors book. Let’s have a look at just some of the reactions people have recorded in it over the years:

“Wow, that’s a BIG collection. Dayam” Brendan – 15/11/2020

“Wow! Just wow, and I want to play with them” – Ronnie – 19/12/2020

“All I can say is WOW!! Just completely blown away” – Brett, 24/01/2021

“Coolest thing I’ve ever seen” – Patrick, 07/08/2021

“It’s bloody awesome” – Shane & Jodie, 19/01/2022

“Mind Blowing!! Keep it growing” – Michelle, 06/08/2022

“Wow wow wow!!! I can’t actually believe how incredible it is. Fabulous Job Trev” – Diane, 11/12/2022

“Amazing – ‘More than meets the eye’” – Pieter from Able Media Productions, 13/01/2023

“I loved listening to you talk about your collection. May it grow even bigger!” Ben from Mudgee Guardian, 19/05/2023

“Amazing, childhood dream come true” – Matt, Chester & Ashlee, 06/08/2023

“Incredible!! You da bomb Trev!” – Lisa & Scott, 03/02/2024

“Mind instantly blown, it took me back to my childhood. Amazing” – Michael & Wyatt, 24/04/2024

“WOWSERS! Oh my HAT!” – Petrina, 12/06/2024

The Strangest Reaction Ever

The strangest reaction I ever got, ever, would have to be from one of the operators of Dry Creek Farm, an awesome company that uses goats in order to clean out noxious weeds like blackberries in an environmentally sustainable way in the best traditions of permaculture. His reaction was – nothing.

Complete indifference. Could have been saying to him ‘Hey, look at this brick that looks exactly like those 27,000 other bricks over there, isn’t it great?!’ Didn’t like it, didn’t dislike it, just didn’t care.

I’ve encountered wonder, awe, shock, confusion, bemusement, amazement & joy. I’ve had people visibly impressed, dumbstruck, stunned and surprised. But never, before or since, have I had someone look inside the shed and have the same expression one would have looking at a piece of grass – just complete disinterest. Even people that aren’t into Transformers are either impressed with the scale of the collection they are seeing, or at least kinda curious in how it came about since its not something you see every day. But nope, not this time.

So Adam, the strangest reaction the nerd shed ever got was no reaction at all.

Cheers for your question.

Ask Trev!, Transformatorium, Transformer Toy Reviews

Ask Trev: Pipes versus Huffer

January 31, 2023 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

This question comes from Katrina in Sydney:

Pipes and Huffer have the same alt mode but different robot modes. Which is your favourite?

It’s true that most of the 1986 Autobot Mini-Vehicles are just slight retools of their 1984 counterparts. The likes of Swerve, Tailgate, Hubcap and Outback are simply recolours of Gears, Windcharger, Cliffjumper and Brawn respectively with new face sculpts (OK, Outback got a new gun as well which was pretty slick).

However Huffer and Pipes are the exception. As well as a new colour scheme and face sculpt, the Transformation from Robot Mode from Vehicular mode was slightly changed. Instead of the cab of the truck becoming a hood as it did with Huffer, it became a backpack for Pipes.

But are their alt-modes really the same?

One of these trucks is not like the other one

Well, yeah, for the most part. But there are subtle differences. The moulded grill and headlight motif on the front of the truck has been slightly changed from Huffer to Pipes. The tail-end of the trucks tray, which becomes the robots feet, is slightly more pointed on Huffer than Pipes. Perhaps the most notable difference besides the colour scheme is the smokestacks, which on Huffer and slightly indented, whilst on Pipes they are well and truly, well… pipes.

Overall the differences are negligible, but far outweigh the differences between the other mini-bot recolours of that era. I’d be hard-pressed to say which I like more as both have their charms.

Robot Modes

Huffer: “My elbows go the wrong way!” Pipes: “At least you can still pick stuff up”

Here is where the differences really stand out. As stated, Huffer has a sort of canopy whereas Pipes has a large backpack. From the back Pipes is easily the weaker of the two, having an entire truck cab hanging off his back. However this is where his weaknesses end. His arms are far superior to Huffers, and whilst Huffer could be said to have hands of a sort, it’s the orientation of his arms that lets him down, resembling some form of preying mantis idue to the backwards elbows. The head of Pipes too is superior, having an actual sculpted head that sits in front of the backpack, rather than some form of wide mask half-hidden under a hood.

So to answer Katrina’s question, I have to give it to Pipes, on the whole he is an improvement on his predecessor.

Legends ‘LG35 Super Ginrai’ vs Titans Return ‘Powermaster Optimus Prime’

But what about other iterations?

Huffer, being a legacy character from the 1984 cartoon, has turned up in multiple toylines such as KRE-O, Power Core Combiners, Timelines and even Transformers Prime. Pipes however has only had another two outings, both retools of existing Huffer figures. So lets have a look at these to see who is the superior in these new iterations of classic characters.

Combiner Wars

If there is one set of Huffer/Pipes figures where the alt-modes are exactly the same then it is Combiner Wars. Not only are the altmodes the same, but the robot modes are exactly the same too, the only differences being in colour scheme and sticker placements. As such, it’s pretty much impossible to pick one over the other. I will say I never understood why they gave Pipes a red face, he looks like Tracks squat brother (or me when I’ve been out in the sun too long).

Kingdom

We finally busted into the Deluxe Class!

The third outing of Pipes, being again a retool of Huffer, is in the Kingdom line. I found both these toys to be quite clever and both are certainly the most toon-accurate versions of the characters we have ever had in their robot modes. Highlights for me included that Pipes now has pipes attached to his outer forearms like in the cartoon instead of the toys arms functioning as the pipes themselves. Huffer now sports a canopy of sensible size, and the way the sides of his alt-modes tray join together to form a very Halo-esque weapon is a really cool idea. I couldn’t fault either of them.

Pipes & Huffer: Both ready to smoke you!

In their vehicular forms, the fronts of the vehicles are actually (bar colour) exactly the same, having less differences than their G1 toy counterparts. The differences only seem to be at the back, where Pipes is toting his pipes and Huffer’s gun and shield serve to form a tray.

But wait, there’s more!

Can’t decide between Pipes and Huffer? Why choose either when you can have Puffer!

Puffer: ‘Even I haven’t heard of me before!’

Soooo…. The story behind this is that in certain parts of the world, when Pipes was released he was a straight up recolour of Huffer, rather than a retooled version. The storyline behind Puffer is that Huffer and Pipes got sucked into a time-vortex (as one does) and they were fused together into the one being. Like so many other extremely obscure characters (who can easily be recoloured from an existing figure), Puffer now has his own official toy. This Puffer though, is essentially Pipes slightly recoloured and with a G1 toy accurate head. Whilst there is little of Huffer to see in this figure, if you can’t decide which you like more out of Pipes and Huffer, then Puffer may be for you!

Toys Review – Legacy Motormaster & Drag Strip

So, overall, Pipes or Huffer?

A reminder that Prime and Magnus aint the only Autobot trucks on the block

Well, for me it is hands down Pipes, and for me that is a purely sentimental reason. Pipes was one of my first ever Transformers, and was the first Transformer I ever got a double of when a mate gave me another one for my 9^th birthday. Still have them both too 😊. I liked in the cartoon how Pipes seemed to straddle between mechanic, field medic and a quasi-field commander, whereas except for lifting the odd mammoth, Huffer seemed to do nothing but whine, barely built anything and for the most part simply vied with Gears for title of biggest complainer on The Ark.

G1: Emotions aside, talking about toys then I feel that Pipes has the better robot mode, despite Huffer having hand indents. Vehicular, despite the minor differences, I don’t favour one over the other. Winner: Pipes

Combiner Wars: Exact same vehicle mode so no favourite; in robot mode I gotta take points off Pipes for having the red face. Winner: Huffer

Kingdom: A draw, as though I like Huffer’s robot mode that smidge more, and he has the cool gun and shield that become the truck tray, Pipes finally has dedicated extra pipes, living up to his namesake. Winner: A draw, with a special shout out to Puffer for being such a unique character.

Got anything to say about the figures examined, or Pipes and Huffer in general? Pop it in the comments section below!

Toy Review: Autobot Ark & Teletraan 1

Ask Trev!

Shriekers vs Raptors – Who would Win?

August 23, 2022 Big Angry Trev 2 Comments

Jurassic Park and Tremors – two film franchises that have far more in common than one might think.

Yes the differences between the two franchises are huge; budgets, popularity, settings etc. But when it comes down to it both movie series (having 7 flicks each thus far) are at their core about humans genetically messing with creatures from the dawn of time, before those same creatures then turn around and systematically hunt and kill the humans for their hubris.

Movie Review – Tremors 6: A Cold Day in Hell

Both franchises have their big monsters – the T-Rex and the Graboid respectively. And they both have their flying monsters – the Pteradon and the Assblaster. But what about those mid-sized creatures that love to run down humans for lunch? In Jurassic Park these are the Velociraptors and in Tremors they are the Shriekers.

Note both the Raptors and the Shriekers are fictional. Yes Raptors did actually exist, but they were around the size of large chickens and had feathers as well as scales; they were not 2-meter tall pack hunters that could use doorhandles and change their gender as needed. And Shriekers are completely fictional, the mid-life cycle of Graboids before they turn into Assblasters, which then in turn lay eggs that turn into baby Graboids.

In both film franchises the species in question get genetically modified by humans, as well as attempts being made by humans to train their packs. In the first Jurassic Park film, we find that Raptors have only been able to be resurrected by splicing their DNA with that of amphibians, which not only leads to them coming back to life but also being able to change their gender in order to breed. By the end of the Tremors movies, humans have been messing with the DNA of Shriekers, giving them a ‘Sonic Scream’ that can completely incapacitate their prey.

In the Tremors TV series, it is revealed that the government has secretly been trying to train Shriekers to use their infrared vision in order to find victims in disaster areas. In Jurassic Park, the Raptors have been trained for several different reasons, from being killing machines for the Military to simply ‘lets see if we can’.

So what if these two fictional pack-hunting creatures went head-to-head? The Jurassic vs The Pre-Cambrian – Who would win?

To answer this, we will break down the skills and abilities of both Raptors and Shriekers. Then examine the threat posed by the two species to humans, as well as to each other.

Shriekers vs Raptors – The Stats:

Size & Strength

Shriekers: Shriekers are approximately 1 meter high and 1.5 meters long. They are strong enough to pin down a human and their bite is strong enough to rend metal.

Raptors: Approximately 2 meters high and 2.5 meters long. They are much stronger than humans in all regards.

Winner: Raptors

Speed & Agility:

Shriekers: For such short stubby creatures, Shriekers can exhibit quite a turn of speed, being able to easily keep pace with a human running. They are also able to jump and pivot easily.

Raptors: Raptors are very fast creatures, able to chase down humans that are riding quad bikes and motorcycles. They have great leaping skills.

Winner: Raptors

Dexterity:

Shriekers: Shrikers have no front appendages, severely limiting their dexterity. They however have prehensile tongues, being able to to grab objects in much the way an elephant would use their trunks.

Raptors: Raptors have been observed being able to use their hands/claws to not only grab onto their enemies, but even successfully manipulate door handles and other objects.

Winner: Raptors

Intelligence:

Shriekers: Whilst Shriekers have been mistaken for having high intelligence (destroying cars and communication towers, seemingly cutting off their prey from outside assistance) they are actually considered relatively dense. That said, the army has been able to have some success with training Shriekers, and they have been observed being able to figure out puzzles such as how to reach high objects, which puts them above much of the animal kingdom.

Raptors: Raptors have been shown to have high intelligence (for animals), being able to utilize techniques such as distraction, misdirection, testing & assessing and even tool manipulation.

Winner: Raptors

Hunting/Pack Hunting:

Shriekers: Shriekers are able to utilize heat sensors on the tops of their heads in order to locate their prey. This is highly effective, though can cause them to attack inanimate objects that also radiate heat. Shriekers will emit loud shrieks (hence the name) to alert other Shriekers to potential prey – whilst they have no ears, the shrieking makes them give off more heat themselves as a signal to the rest of the pack. Shriekers can not only hunt and corral their prey by moving in packs, but can also work together to reach prey, such as standing on each others shoulders to reach victims that are high up. Shriekers that have been genetically modified can also subdue prey with a Sonic Scream attack that incapacitates their prey.

Raptors: Raptors are able to use their speed and size to quickly take down most any prey that are smaller than them. Raptors are excellent pack hunters, able to corral their prey by approaching from multiple directions at once, or using one member to distract their prey whilst the rest of the pack sneak up on their quarry from other sides. Raptors understand using cover and will use long grasses and bushes to disguise their approach.

Winner: A draw

Physical Offensive & Defensive Capabilities:

Shriekers: Shriekers have strong bone jaws that are able to slice through tough materials such as metal with ease, as well as feeling no ill effects from biting through objects that are hot or conducting electricity. They are able to use their tongues to grab an object/prey. Genetically modified Shriekers can unleash a Sonic Scream, causing major damage and incapacitation to their prey. All Shriekers have a hard bone carapace over their heads, making their heads all but impervious to attack

Raptors: Raptors have long thick spurs on their hind legs which are able to rip through flesh with ease. Raptors have claws on both front appendages, able to grab and tear at their enemies. Raptors have a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth, able to rend the flesh from their prey. They are fast and highly agile, able to run and leap in order to attack or escape.

Winner: Shriekers

Lifecycle:

Shriekers: Shriekers are the pupa stage of the lifecycle of Graboids and emerge from Graboids generally in groups of 3 to 6. Shriekers only live on average for 24 hours after which, if they have ingested enough food, they evolve into Assblaster – flying creatures that are similar to Shriekers in many respects. Given their relatively short lifespan in their Shrieker form, Shriekers do not have the longevity to learn new skills and operate mainly from instinct. Shriekers are asexual, and by ingesting enough food are able to ‘vomit’ up another Shrieker which will grow to full size within a few hours. By reproducing in this manner, a small group of newly born Shriekers can become a pack of overwhelming size within a very short period.

Raptors: The Raptors, due to having their DNA spliced with that of amphibians, are able to change their sex if there are too many of the one gender, facilitating being able to breed more efficiently. Raptors lay eggs and will not only protect their nests fiercely, but even hunt down stolen eggs over vast distances to retrieve them. Once hatched, baby Raptors follow the species normal life cycle.

Winner: Shriekers

Shriekers and Raptors – versus us and each other:

Shriekers & Raptors vs Humans:

In both movie franchises there have been plenty of humans who have been ripped apart by these two predatory species. But which is best at taking humans out?

Shriekers: Shriekers can run as fast as a human and have enough body weight to pin one down. They can kill a human with one bite from their powerful jaws, can hunt humans via the mammal’s body heat, and can overwhelm humans by multiplying their numbers exponentially. They have enough cooperative skills that they can work together to catch their prey such as tunnelling or standing on each other’s shoulders to get humans that are out of reach. They can shriek in order to alert other Shriekers of a human’s presence, and the genetically modified Shriekers can subdue a human in seconds with the Sonic Scream. Once a Shrieker has evolved into an Assblaster, they can attack from the air.

Shriekers are able to be tricked very easily by the disguising of body heat. By keeping solid objects between themselves and the Shrieker, or otherwise lowering their outer body temperature by the use of special clothing, humans can become essentially invisible to Shriekers and avoid them easily. Shriekers have strong bony skulls that can protect them from damage, but the rest of their body is susceptible to gunfire. They can also be killed by bladed weapons being stuck down their throats.

Raptors: Raptors are much bigger and faster than humans so have the speed and strength advantage. They are intelligent enough to escape pens and traps created by humans, as well as work their way into human strongholds. They have refined hunting instincts and are able to use a wide variety of tactics to take humans down – everything from using natural cover and distraction techniques, to corralling humans from different directions at once to cut off all escape. Once caught, humans have no chance of survival in a one-on-one confrontation given the Raptors claws, spurs and teeth.

Raptors are susceptible to gunfire and other weaponry, including shock sticks. With enough elevation, Raptors have no way to reach a human.

Conclusion: Both creatures are deadly to humans. Raptors are the more skillful and refined predators. Shriekers are arguably more dangerous, however are outwitted far more easily. A draw.

Shrieker vs Raptor in a Fight – One on One:

Raptors have it all over Shriekers in terms of their size and speed. If a Raptor is able to get past the Shriekers protected armoured head, it will easily be able to shred the Shrieker to pieces by grabbing it with its claws, then using its thick foot spurs and sharp teeth to eviscerate it. However, Shriekers are able to easily bite through solid metal with their bony jaws as well as grab their prey/enemies with their prehensile tongues. With one single solid bite a Shrieker could easily decapitate a Raptor or sever a limb. So the argument could be made that going head to head a Shrieker would win, but if a Raptor can dodge the Shriekers tongue and that first bite, the Raptor would easily destroy its smaller rival.

However in both franchises Raptors and Shriekers are shown to be genetically tampered with, and in the final movie of the franchise, it is shown that Shriekers now have the ability to emit a Sonic Scream. As long as the Raptor doesn’t completely take the Shrieker by surprise, which it shouldn’t be able to do even with cover do due to the Shrikers infrared vision, then the Shrieker can easily subdue a Raptor with its disorienting scream, then rip the Raptor to shreds with its huge jaw before the dinosaur realises what’s happening.

Conclusion: A Raptor has more chance of killing a Shrieker in a one-on-one fight, however a genetically modified Shrieker would completely destroy a Raptor.

Shriekers vs Raptors in a Fight – Pack vs Pack

Raptors are more intelligent than Shriekers and live far longer, meaning they have the capability to learn how to handle Shriekers from previous stand-offs (assuming any Raptors survive). It is conceivable that the Raptors could work as a pack, using one of their own as bait to distract the Shriekers whilst the rest of their pack picks off the Shriekers from behind.

However the above technique would probably only result in a few Shriekers getting killed before the rest realise what’s happening. Once they do the remaining Shriekers should be able to, via their jaws and screams, make short work of the Raptors. Shriekers also have the strength of numbers. Raptors have been shown in the movies to hunt in packs of up to 6, whereas with enough food around the Shriekers can not only grow to huge numbers relatively quickly, but also quickly replace any killed members of their pack. If half the Raptor pack is killed in a battle, they have to wait for their offspring to grow to adulthood to fight, whereas if even one Shrieker lives, it can quickly repopulate its pack within a matter of hours, with Shriekers who live long enough turning into airborne Assblasters to which the Raptors would have no defence.

Conclusion: In Pack vs Pack, the only possible way for the Raptors to win would be to somehow take the Shrieker pack by complete surprise and kill every single one of them as quickly as possible. In every other scenario the Shriekers win.

So who is the overall Winner?

Overall we have to give it to the Shriekers. Yes, Raptors are bigger, stronger, faster, smarter and have the talons, claws and teeth to back it up. But Shriekers can reproduce quickly and asexually, use infrared vision to hunt prey, have a bite that can rend metal and the genetically modified ones can use a Sonic Scream to subdue most anything or anyone. If you combine those factors with their armoured heads and prehensile tongues then the Raptors, essentially big clever lizards, don’t stand a chance. In this competition of the hunters, Jurassic loses out to Pre-Cambrian.

Do you think the above comparisons between these fictitious creatures are accurate? And would you be interested in a potential T-Rex vs Graboid comparison? If so pop it in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!, Transformatorium

The Transformatorium – most popular FAQ’s

August 3, 2022 Big Angry Trev 1 Comment

Since pictures of the The Transformatorium have begun to circulate on various social media around the globe, I get asked a lot of questions. Much of the time, these are questions I have been asked many times before.

So to address this, I put the call out on FB and Twitter for people to put forth their queries that I could answer in a Frequently Asked Questions blog, so in the future I could quickly direct people to it rather than type out the same answers yet again. Don’t get me wrong, I love people taking an interest! This will simply be a bit of a time-saver all round 😉

Find below the list of FAQ’s I received, and thank you to everybody who submitted one!

The Transformatorim – FAQ’s

About the Shed itself:

Q: OMG your house must be soooo big! Is it?

A: The Transformatorium is actually a separate building to the main house – a specifically designed shed to store my collection. We live on a big farm though, so there was plenty of space to construct the shed.

Q: How tall is that ceiling?

A: At it’s apex it is 4 meters high, at it’s lowest it is 2.6 meters.

Q: Why did someone who is so obviously genetically related to hobbits build shelves so high?

What’s the point of having all that space if you don’t use it?

A: (Sigh… yes I know the questioner and yes he is significantly taller than me) I built the shelves myself to scale with the shed, and to maximize shelf space I made them all 2.6m high. Of course that means if I want something off the top shelf them I need a ladder to get it.

Q: What are you going to do when you run out of room?

A: There is a second part to the shed behind the big main back wall. If I ever run out of room I guess I will need to knock out that wall and utilize the storage space behind it. Lets hope that’s a looong way off in the future though, as it would necessitate taking EVERY single Transformer off the shelves for the reconstruction and that would be such a huge job!

Q: How do you deal with heat?

A: The placement of my Transformatorium Shed is such that during the worst parts of the day it is shaded by tree’s (though I have genuine fear of one of them falling the wrong way one day). The ceiling is also quite high and well insulated so heat doesn’t build up much. The only part of the shed that gets particularly hot is the West facing wall around mid-afternoon. Thankfully I only have MISB crossover figures on that wall which affords the figures some extra protection, and I am growing plants in the garden I made out front that should adequately shade that wall within a few years. I also have thick heavy curtains across the glass door to keep out heat and light.

About me and my collection:

Q: What is your evacuation strategy for the figures in the event of bush fire/flood?

Picture from 3 years ago – would need a bigger trailer now

A: Back in late 2019 I had to evacuate my entire collection due to bushfires. Thankfully the majority of them were still boxed so I was, with the help of a mate, able to load them all up and take them to a friends house in a nearby town that was not as threatened. They lived there for a month until the danger had passed.

If a bushfire or flood came out of nowhere now, I’d be far more concerned with getting my wife, children and pets out safely. Toys can be replaced, loved ones cannot.

If I had time I might dash back and grab as many G1 and Masterpiece toys as possible though 😉

Q: WhErE iS “insert figure obviously missing from your collection here” I dOnT sEe iT.

Oh Timelines Counterpunch, where art thou?!

A: If you don’t see it, chances are I don’t have it. My collection is big, but I can’t think of any specific Transformers toyline that I own every single figure from.

Q: I noticed you’re in Australia – has that ever caused problems with adding to the collection? Import costs, local distribution, environmental damage etc?

Hard Times for Aussie Collectors

A: Yes it can be a real pain in the arse to get certain figures here in Australia, especially for me since I live in the bush and there are no stores that sell Transformers within 50 kilometres of my location. Occasionally here in Aus we luck out and get a figure before the rest of the world, like Legacy Motormaster, but in an age where more and more figures are becoming exclusives to chain stores that don’t even exist on this continent, sometimes the choice is to either pay a ruinous price and postage to get the figure, or to just accept fate and let it go. I certainly think my collection would be bigger if I lived in the US or Japan.

Toys Review – Legacy Motormaster & Drag Strip

Q: How much of your collection has had to be replaced due to damage or wear, things like Gold Plastic Syndrome, yellowing, sticker damage etc?

A: I’ve had to replace the odd G1 figure over the years, like Omega Supreme and Mirage, who were too damaged to repair. In fact with my G1 figures I am loathe to touch any of them anymore as they are so old even with a gentle and perfectly executed transformation they can break – poor old Sludge will spend the rest of his life in dino-mode because a hip broke! I need to get around to sourcing a replacement G1 Silverbolt too due to hip damage. For the most part I haven’t had to replace much, I’m pretty careful with my figures. My son broke a few when he was younger, but is much more careful now, to the point I even let him transform my MP’s sometimes.

As for replacing figures which have suffered from Gold Plastic Syndrome or yellowing, its pretty hard to do because any other figures out there on the secondary market usually suffer from the exact same afflictions mine do.

Q: Have you ever had a problem with figures falling over for whatever reason? Does it cause a domino effect, or are they all spaced out enough that you can more or less avoid a catastrophe?

Figures 5 rows deep – what could possibly go wrong?

A: Oh dear Primus yes, this happens way more often than I would like! Some shelves are fine, whereas others I feel like I have to perform some kind of delicate surgery to remove a figure without knocking over a dozen of its brethren. My son has given up now, if he wants a toy he asks me to get is as the domino effect is a shocker! But yeah, it happens, and considering the floor is concrete I’ve had a few heart-stopping moments when a bunch of figures have tumbled and I’ve had to check if they survived.

Q: So many toys! Your wife must be very understanding/ hur-hur yOuR oBvIoUsLy SiNgLe…?

Through thick and thin and Michael Bay movies

A: I’ve been with my wife for nearly 20 years and married for 14 of them. She is extremely understanding of my hobby. She is also relieved that my son is so into Transformers, as it means I have him to share my passion with so she no longer has to fain interest 😉

Q: Is there any third party or customs in the collection or all official HasTak stuff?

Leftovers from the days when official Quintesson toys seemed to have no chance of ever being made

A: I have very few customs or 3^rd party stuff. I have nothing against them or those that collect them, they just aren’t for me. I’d say far less than 1% of my collection is not official merchandise. Most I had bought in the past were of characters that had never had an official toy at that point. These days it seems no matter how obscure the character they are probably going to get an official figure at some stage, so I don’t bother with 3P stuff at all anymore. I do have some tiny custom figure made by the talented Michael I am very fond of.

Q: TWO Unicrons?! What are you, a billionaire!?

They do add a certain gravitas to the room don’t they

A: Heh heh – far from it. Here in Australia we got about the best deal possible through a chain store. You could order the items at cost, then you had a full 18 months to pay them off before they arrived. Plus you could pick up in store so no postage costs! Because of this, I was able to slowly pay off my order of two Unicron’s without breaking the bank, and then take the ute to pick them up – it was a sweet deal!

Q: What are you going to do with your collection when you’re dead? (Obviously the answer is nothing, because you’re dead. But hopefully you put a plan in place prior to your fateful attempt to fit 16 tomahawk steaks in your mouth at once.)

A: My son gets all my male Transformers, my daughter gets all my female ones and BotBots. Before anyone argues this is supremely unfair due to the disparate numbers between male and female Transformer action figures, it should be noted my daughter isn’t really into Transformers so wouldn’t really want many (if any). She also gets my complete collection of Rarity figures from MLP as well.

I’d let my family pick a few for me to be buried with (not that I would have a say in it at that stage). If as a family they decided to simply keep a few each to remember me by, then sell off the rest of the collection to pay off the mortgage or go on an overseas trip, more power to them.

Q: Can I, a complete stranger located on another continent, come and see your collection?

Q: How much are the Tickets?

A: I happily give tours of The Transformatorium to locals, and if people are willing to trek all the way out here to outback Australia to see it, then they get in for free 😉

Q: How do you keep the shelves clean? My own collection is getting fairly dusty but they’re packed too tight to a shelf to just pull’em down and start wiping

A: Ah, now this is easily the question I get asked more than any other. Yes dust is an issue in the shed, though not as bad as one may think. It is its worst near the glass door, so my Movieverse figures cop the brunt of it, and there are figures there in their alt-modes there that need to be wiped off monthly.

In the rest of the shed its not too bad. This is where its handy to have an explorative son who wants to check out all the toys. Whenever he or I get a figure from the shelves I give that figure a quick wipe down. In the long run though, I’ve had to resign myself to the fact that, unless I somehow magically become a millionaire and can buy gigantic glass cabinets, my shelves and figures are never going to be dust free and I am just going to have to continue to mitigate the worst of it as best as time allows. Good thing the shelves themselves are brown eh!

Thank you to everyone that submitted questions for The Transformatorium FAQ. If you have any further queries, pop them in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!, Transformatorium, Transformer Toy Reviews

Ask Trev – Your worst figure, why should I still buy it?

July 6, 2022 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

This question comes from Steve in Campbelltown:

‘What is the worst figure in your collection and why should we all own it?’

First off I’m taking a stab in the dark that Steve is talking about Transformers since that is what I am best known for collecting. Well Steve, given I’m at the 4500 mark for the amount of Transformer action figures I own, there are a fair few contenders for the mantle of Worst. So lets narrow it down to Transformer figures that actually transform and go from there:

Equal 3^rd Worst

Generation One Crankcase & Scoop

Podscussion: Bad Toys you Still Love

Why are they bad?

Firstly – both these toys have irritatingly simple transformations, even for G1 toys – one move for the legs, one move for the arms and one move for the body/backpack.

Secondly – awful heads! Scoop’s is ridiculously small, making him look like a little yellow guy wearing a huge orange sumo suit, whereas Crancase has just an orange blob for a face, making you squint to make out any detail whatsoever.

Thirdly – bad bodies. Neither of these toys have any articulation to speak of. Scoop’s chest sticks out so far his little hands barely reach past it, and those hands don’t even have peg holes to hold his Targetmaster partners. Lots of Transformer toys have decent sized backpacks, but I’d struggle to think of any that have a proportionately bigger one than Crankcase which towers over the back of him to a ludicrous degree. And while Scoop as a Targetmaster can’t hold guns, neither can Crankcase who is a Triggercon. What’s the point of being a gun-themed robot if you can’t even hold a simple blaster?! As for having legs that actually separate, forget about it.

Why you should own them?

Both toys have really nice altmodes for their time, with Scoop being a front-end loader that can actually move his scoop, and Crankcase being perhaps the only Decepticon toy of 1988 that had an altmode disguise that could actually work as a disguise, rather than being a huge monster or a neon-coloured vehicle. The Targetmaster and Trigger gimmicks are good fun and they both had interesting roles in the IDW comics. Plus who doesn’t love some G1-goodness 😉

2nd Worst

Steelbane – The Last Knight

Toys Review – The Last Knight: Steelbane, Cogman & Sqweeks

Why is he bad?

Firstly – loose ball joints. The joints in his shoulders and legs are atrociously loose, making him very hard to pose in robot mode, he is fiddly as hell to try and get to stand in any decent pose without his sword drooping towards the floor.

Secondly – Worst. Dragon-mode. Ever. His dragon mode is absolute shite! Looks absolutely awful, like someone was building a robot alpaca and lost the instructions half way through. There have been a lot of great dragon Transformers over the years and they do not invite Steelbane to their parties.

Why you should own him?

Probably the coolest ‘knight’ looking Transformer toy ever in his robot mode with lots of detail, even on the sword. There were four Knight toys from The Last Knight film and he is the best looking of the lot, with the others compromised by either missing faces or their combiner gimmick. Even if you were not a fan of the film, having a Transformer who looks like he should have been kickin it with Arthur & Merlin is pretty boss.

Movie Review – Transformers: The Last Knight

Winner of the Worst

Rescue Bots Quickshadow

Toy Review – Rescue Bots Quickshadow

Why is she bad?

Firstly – terrible proportions in both modes. Even being a Rescue Bot which is a line known for its more basic toys due to the age demographic they are made for, the vehicle mode is too snub-nosed and the robot mode doesn’t even remotely resemble the cartoon. And what’s with the big goggles – she looks like she is going scuba-diving while flying a WWI plane!

Secondly – the broken transformation spring. This was a toy made for tiny kids and with one transformation movement. It is unbelievable that there was so little quality control that she got released when the spring that allows the transformation was broken in 95% of the figures. Any child given this figure would have been supremely disappointed and their parents feeling ripped off.

Your Quickshadow toy is going to spend more time looking like this than a robot or car

Why you should own her?

Errr… that’s a toughie. There really isn’t anything to recommend the figure at all. At most I would say that she was the first female Rescue Bot which gives the toy some novelty value, and that her on-screen character was very cool. Coming across as a very chilled and aloof British Secret-Agent type gave her a personality we have not seen in Transformers before or since, it’s a shame she didn’t get more airtime than she did.

Rescue Bots Toys Gallery

So there you go Steve, your question answered 😊

Transformer Fan Interview – Steve

Got any transforming Transformer toys that you think are worse than these? Why not mention them in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!, Tales of the Trev

Ask Trev – What’s it like being a Radio Star?

February 26, 2022 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

Todays ‘Ask Trev’ question comes from Scott in Lake Munmorah,

‘What’s it like being a radio star?’

Local newspaper covers The Big DJ Trev Show

Well Scott, it’s not as glamorous as you might think, nor as easy. One does not simply show up to the station with a box of CD’s and a laptop of downloaded songs ready to go. It takes a lot of work and preparation throughout the day to get ready for that evening’s performance.

To answer your question best, let me take you through a typical day leading up to that night’s broadcast of The Big DJ Trev Show:

7am – Wake up. Groan. Scratch. Roll over. Go back to sleep.

9am – Wake up. Groan. Scratch. Get up. Brought Irish Coffee by butler.

9.30am – Breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausages, Black Pudding, Hash Brown, Mushrooms, Toast, more Coffee. Tell butler to give the groupies in my bed cab fare and send them on their way.

10am – Go to toilet. Read papers to check for interesting news stories to discuss on tonight’s show.

10.30am – Reflect upon how I am so much more knowledgeable and such a superior writer to every journalist in every newspaper everywhere. Finish going to toilet.

11am – Personal Assistant opens and reads out my fan mail. For those who have sent cash/Transformers/nude photos tell assistant to send them 8×10 glossies and autograph them on my behalf.

12pm – Limo arrives to take me for working lunch with Agent at All-you-can-eat BBQ Rib Joint. Half- listen to latest round of offers of movie roles, television spots, celebrity appearances and book deals. Endure constant flirtations from busty 19-yo waitress as she brings plate after plate of ribs.

12.30pm – Hit Agent over head with whiskey bottle when suggestion made of doing a Reality TV Show with Sophie Monk. Agent grovels and apologizes profusely. Get fellated by waitress.

2pm – Ribbon Cutting at new Hospital Wing in my name. Inform Agent (still bleeding) to keep all sick people at least 20 feet from my position or else its Whiskey Bottle Time again – Agent rushes off to inform bodyguards. Plaster smile on my face as photographs taken, hands shook and fans scream my name.

‘Can I go anywhere without fans adoring me? I’m entitled to a private life too dammit!’

4pm – Meet with personal trainer. Told yet again should not be smoking and drinking on treadmill. Tell trainer yet again to go fornicate himself and throw beer bottle at him. Personal Trainer apologises and goes to find bandages.

5pm – Dinner: 1.2kg Tomahawk Steak with garlic mushroom sauce, sides of mash potatoes and roasted corn on the cob. Pedicure whilst eating and assistant reads through celebrity guest list for tonight’s show.

5.30pm – Chopper ride to Radio Station. Fussed over by the ladies from wardrobe, hair and makeup.

‘How do you get to work – a car? Pfff… peasants’

5.57pm -Moment of crippling self-doubt in dressing room, knowing that I’m a sham who makes his fortune off playing the music of real artists.

5.58pm – Shot of the brown stuff, snort of the white stuff.

5.59pm – Walk through station to Broadcast Booth. Clapping from all sides whilst bodyguards clear a path.

6pm – Showtime!

I hope this answers your question Scott, and that you enjoyed a sneak peak behind the scenes of what hard-working prep I go to each week to bring you the sparkling entertainment you have all come to expect and enjoy. And remember folks, you can listen to The Big DJ Trev Show every Thursday night from 6 to 9pm on KRR.fm.

‘The Big DJ Trev Show’ Promo Pics

Ask Trev: How does Big Busy Trev manage to get everything done?

Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: What is ‘the beginning and the end’ for Bunnings?

August 11, 2021 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

Today we have a question from Matt in Melbourne:

“The Bunnings slogan says ‘lowest price are just the beginning’. What’s it the beginning of and what’s the end?”

Well Matt, most companies and corporations are after two ends – becoming an economic powerhouse and your money.

However Bunnings is a bit different – the ends they covet are achieving the status of their own Religion and your very soul.

What do religions spruik as some of their top selling points? A place to go on Sundays, the promise of improving your life and the greater promise of offering you an afterlife.

What does Bunnings offer? A place to go on Sundays? It sure does, it seemed that one of the places people have lamented most not being able to attend during the pandemic is Bunnings (unless you were a Karen, then you went anyway and made sure not to wear a mask). You saw it everywhere – on social media, in news stories – everyone wailed and gnashed their teeth that they were unable to go down to this huge hardware store to pick up what they need for their Sunday arvo jobs.

And while Christianity might offer you a wafer on a Sunday as the Body of Christ, Bunnings offers you a sausage in bread on a Sunday as the body of a cow – much more palatable in my opinion.

The offer of improving your life? That’s Bunnings to a tee! It’s all ‘why not build a patio to relax on? Why not treat yourself to a new outdoor setting and a self-timed dripper system for the garden? Why not improve your life in a million little ways with our help?’ And whilst most religions have priests, preachers, rabbi’s, monks and the like – Bunnings has ‘helpful staff to advise you on all your home renovation needs’.

Like all religions, there are funny hats for their earthly representatives to wear

Admittedly half the time these staff don’t seem to fully understand what they are talking about, but why should Bunnings be different to any other place of worship in that regard?

The promise of an afterlife? Well Matt, this is where ‘lowest prices are just the beginning’ comes in to play. For:

‘In the beginning, did man walk upon the earth. And doth did man say “My life is poor. How shall I find peace and happiness?”.’

‘And lo, he heardeth a voice that seemed to commeth from the air itself “Thou shalt build an outdoor deck. And this deck shall be made of the finest treated pine timber, have bevelled railings and a breakfast seat for two”.’

‘And man did cry “But how shall I buildeth this deck upon which to break my fast? For I am but a humble man who hungers greatly – I have neither food to eat nor gold for lumber”.’

‘And the voice did call out “Thou shalt easily afford the materials thee needs for thy labours. For thee shall eat of the fatted calf in bread, yea, even with tomato sauce and onions if thou wishes! And thou shalt taketh the wood thou dost need, for the prices be low. And these low prices for thee will be but the beginning!”.’

‘And doth did the man eateth of the sausage in the bread. And doth did he getteth the treated pine he did require, alongeth with some discounted railing posts, self-tapping screws and a nice new cordless drill with full set of attachments. And lo the deck was built’.

‘From that day on, every Sunday did the man visit Bunnings and worship humble. And yea did his life improve week upon week, especially after the new barbeque pit. And when the man’s life was at its end, his grateful and weary hand laid down his circular saw with retractable blade and was at rest’.

Big Angry Trev Bunnings Religion — Come all ye faithful

‘And as his spirit did ascend, it approached the great green shed of paradise with its excellent parking, yea, even if thou broughteth a trailer. And the helpful staff did look upon the works the man had made in life. And yea, they were most impressed with the gazebo he had built with it’s recessed lighting and lattice trim around the arches, and he was ushered through the glass sliding doors to the great beyond. Doth did he enter the end, an existence of eternal bliss, where the shelves were always full and the snags were perfectly cooked, and as looked about him the man did realise that indeed, low prices had only been the beginning.’

‘So endeth the lesson’.

So perhaps think twice when next Sunday comes round. Do you really wish to worship a great red hammer, like so many communists have before you?

Or do you wish to remain a free-thinking person, able to decide for yourself what handyman jobs you wish to do or not do? As for your eternal spirit, would it want to push one of those annoying trolleys with the long flat bottom and tiny basket on top around fertilizer isles for the rest of eternity? I think not.

So visit a local & locally owned hardware store once in a while and put some money in their collection till instead. After all, no one wants to live in a world where the Holy Wars of the future will be fought between the Blessed of Bunnings and the Faithful of Mitre 10.

Thank you for your question Matt.

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Ask Trev: How does Big Busy Trev manage to get everything done?

March 16, 2021 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

This ‘Ask Trev’ question comes in from Michael in Melbourne.

‘You’re a busy man. How do you make that work without either having a clone to help you out or somehow create a 36 hour day?’.

Well Michael it’s true, I am a very busy man. Between this blog, my radio show, working full time, performing househusband duties, managing my giant Transformer collection and building furniture for their shed, as well as hobby farming where I raise goats as well as ducks and chickens, boredom is something that receded from my life many years ago. Add on top of that the most time-intensive activity of all – being a father of two young children – and spare time in non-existent.

First off – I will never clone myself. Never! Do you know how big my ego is? How much attention seeking behaviour I indulge in? I don’t need another one of me running around telling my jokes, eating my meat and vying for all the attention that should rightly be mine!

Also I’m married. What if my wife can’t tell me from the clone? I don’t need no stinkin clone getting busy with my missus! Plus, Primus forbid, what if it turns out by some quirk of the cloning process that he is better in bed than me?! I don’t think my ego, large as it is, could take the hit of my wife saying ‘last night was the best sex we’ve ever had Trev!’ and I hadn’t even been at home!

As for 36 hour days, well manipulating the time stream to that extent is beyond even my capabilities. Sure I could take my family to Mars where the days are at least 25 hours long – I could get a lot done in that extra hour – but it seems like a hassle. It was hard enough moving my Transformer collection from one state to another without taking it to a whole other planet!

So how do I manage my busy lifestyle?

Well there are several things I do – some are time management and some are just sacrifice.

*Giving up hobbies: I have way too many hobbies. Like way too many. So some have had to be toned down and others sacrificed completely. This blog for example, has gone from an entry each week to about two a month. I’ve given up video gaming, though to be honest I think the gamer in me had run its course anyway. I used to brew my own beer and had to give that up. And I don’t farm as many fruit & vegetables as I used to, though still enough that each week we eat at least one or two things that come from the garden. I’m also a bit of a bibliophile, but reading a book for my own pleasure has been relegated to the odd 5 minutes in bed before blissful slumber.

For a while juggling being a gamer and father was so easy!

*Multitasking: Except at work where it is a requirement, I don’t schedule. Don’t believe in it. What I do do is do multiple jobs in the same room at the same time. So for example when I’m in the kitchen (with quasi-laundry attached) I might be wiping benches, preparing meals, stacking the dishwasher, loading the washing machine and unloading the dryer all at the same time (well not literally – thanks to the failure of mutation science I only have two hands). Then the same goes for other rooms and even parts of the farm – nothing like chasing off some feral goats in the ute while you are on your way to go cut firewood in the back paddock.

Sigh… I remember when multitasking meant drinking and rocking out at the same time.

*Be Married: Dear sweet Primus let nothing ever happen to my wife! Not only because she is the love of my life, but also because she does so many chores to manage the house & kids and our lives in general. Chances are if she disappeared from our lives my children and I would be huddled round a fire in tattered clothing, eating beans from a can and hoping it would rain soon so we could wash ourselves. Our existence would be akin to those survivors of a zombie apocalypse.

Make sure you treat your wife right – romance is a lot easier than being a single parent!

*Child Labour: Those damn kids can work for their food! OK, so maybe I don’t actually deny them sustenance and or send them down mineshafts to search for coal. But at 6 & 8 years old respectively they are at the age they can chip in with the chores. Every day after school, before they are allowed to go play with toys or video games, they need to help unstack the dishwasher, unpack their school bags, put all their breakfast and lunch dishes in the sink and most importantly go feed all the animals. Not only does it teach them responsibility, but it means they are spending time with their pets. How kids can ignore a real-life dog but spend hours training a dog to obey in Minecraft is beyond me.

Wish all my chores were this cute when I was young

Of course the children love to be involved with all the constant projects going on around the farm and house too. They help plant and pick all the vegetables, which not only helps me out but makes them more inclined to eat what we grow when it come to fruition. My son loves to help out with my construction projects and is currently helping me build a display table for the Transformers shed, and my daughter loves to bake with her mother and make muffins for their school lunches.

*And lastly, what I do most, is go, go, go! All day, every day. Sigh… Every. Damn. Day. I would be lying if there wasn’t part of me that would like to spend a day just lounging on the couch, eating potato chips and rewatching Deadpool movies. But if I wanted that I shouldn’t have had kids and chosen to live on a farm. Life is so rewarding, and so very, very tiring.

Sometimes I fake back injuries just so I can lie down in the emergency room for an hour and rest

So that’s what I do Michael, that’s how Big Angry Trev manages his life. And maybe I have kind of inwardly cloned myself in this one body. There is Big Angry Trev the blogger, Big Farmer Trev the hobby farmer, Big DJ Trev the radio host. And most importantly (Big) Dad (Trev) the father. Big Gamer Trev is dead and buried but I hope to resurrect Big Brewer Trev at some point and start making my own beer again. But then that begs the question – would I ever have the time to drink it?

Thank you for your question.

Got any other ‘Ask Trev’ questions? Pop them in the comments section below!

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