This question comes from Sarah in Swan Hill “Which Party should I vote for in the 2016 Federal Election?”

Well it’s hard to say.  Lots of people treat Political Parties like Football teams, as in they pick one and then support them their whole lives, regardless of what players are on the team or how the team has been performing.  I’ve never understood this mentality myself but then I don’t understand why people willingly eat tofu.

To be honest, none of the parties are much chop this time around.  Let’s have a quick look at whose on offer:

The Liberals – used to be the ones to vote for if you wanted financial stability, now just a bunch of old argumentative fraggers whose whole campaign seems to revolve around ‘Well since we are in already, why not just go with it?’

The Nationals – while they may give a crap about the farmers they have been the Liberals whipping party for so long they just go along with whatever their masters decree.  Ball gags and sodminzation are the order of the day when the two parties have a get-together.

Labor – the Political Party equivalent of a plain bread sandwich.  Unappetizing, boring, and not much of interest to be found within.  Their main selling point ‘We are not the Liberals’

The Greens – the ones to vote for if you have a social conscious, not the ones to vote for if you think that maybe another war would be good to cull all those bloody dole-bludgers.

The Sex Party – they promote having lots of sex – yay!  The woman who runs it has been known to distribute the Warrick Cappa sex-tape and there is simply no excuse for that – ever!

Family First – Does everyone in your family think that Jesus is just the best and that homosexuals are evil? Then maybe this party really is thinking of your family first.  Are you gay, an atheist, a foreigner or combination of the above?  Then your family is coming dead last under them!

The Jackie Lambie Party – bwah hahahahahaha!  Pauline 2.0!  Nuff said.

 

So, who should Sarah (and all of you) vote for?

Well the answer is simple – VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY!  You want some action in your local community or your region?  Then DO NOT VOTE FOR WHOEVER IS ALREADY IN POWER IN YOUR SEAT!

Here is why – think about it – which are the seats that the pollies are visiting the most and promising the most to?  The seats that could swing either way, that’s which ones!  It’s the equivalent of a relationship – if you’ve been in one for years and years you probably don’t try as hard as you used to.  You know that your partner is not going anywhere so why go to the hassle of romancing them?  But that new relationship?  That’s full of flowers, chocolates, romantic dinners and saucy underwear that would get you locked up in some countries.  You are out to impress them, you are out to woo them and you are going to do whatever it takes to win their hearts.

The electoral seat I live in has been overwhelmingly won by The Nationals since its inception.  You know what we get promised and what we get delivered each election – bugger all!  It’s also why they can afford to put one of the most blatently racist and homophobic Nationals Members in the seat – because even he couldn’t lose it!  But those seats like the one near Ballarat which could go either way, they just got promised a multi-million dollar industrial development to increase jobs in the region and both the major party leaders have made visits in the last month.  Closest we’ve come to a Prime Ministerial visit was when Bob Hawke stopped to have the septic tank on his campaign bus emptied during his drive from Melbourne to Adelaide.

So VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY, vote for whoever is most likely to upset the balance of power in your political seat and knock out the incumbent!  It might not do you much good this election, but sure as shinola come the next election you can sit on your porch and watch the Olympic-sized swimming pool getting built next to the new combination multiplex theatre, strip club and sushi bar while pollies from both sides of the fence rub your feet, tickle your belly and pledge to erect anatomically flattering statues in your honor.

 

Or of course, you could always vote for this guy