Rumor’s continue to fly thick and fast regarding both the robot and human cast of the upcoming Bumblebee Movie, a prequel to the successful last 5 live-action Transformer movies. However unsubstantiated reports suggest a new entry that no one saw coming.
Inside sources from Hollywood have reported that apparently Australian Singer/Actress/Model Sophie Monk has been slated to play the classic Decepticon character Octopunch.
“When casting for Octopunch, a character covered with gripping tentacles, we decided we wanted someone who was adept at really clutching at anything. Thus the first place we looked was at any celebrity who had appeared as a contestant on reality television. No one shows the skills of grasping at straws as strongly as a celebrity determined to stay in the public eye better than those people” says one unnamed source.
“We had many celebrities in mind for the role, but once we saw the 2017 version of The Bachellorette Australia staring Sophie Monk, we knew our search was at an end”
For those that do not know, Sophie Monk played the Bachelorette on Australia’s version of the well-known reality TV show, ‘pashing on’ with multiple men before she made her decision on the ‘man she truly loved’. To the surprise of few, this ‘true love’ was short lived and ended as soon as the hype about the show did, briefly getting Monk’s name back on peoples lips.
Sophie Monk has a long history of Reality Television. She has appeared as a contestant on The Celebrity Apprentice Australia and even on Popstars all the way back in 2000. She has posed for many men’s magazines, including FHM, Maxim and Playboy.
When asked if being associated with such a clingy character could be detrimental to an icons reputation, one studio executive said ‘Possibly, but we believe Octopunch will get over it’.
Apparently Monk however was not the first choice for this role. Another Australian singer, Nikki Webster was also considered for the role.
“Webster would have been perfect for the role” stated one Hollywood insider “She shows a level of grasping desperately at chances to revive her all-but-deceased celebrity status that puts Sophie to shame”.
Nikki Webster captured Australia’s heart when she sang at the 2000 Olympics and went on to have some moderate success as a singer. However when she got older she, like Monk, started posing for men’s magazines. Instead of engendering lust in the readers, it caused a distinct uneasiness as the public still primarily saw her as that cute child who sang for the nation.
“Na” says Mick from the local RSL “Ya felt like a bloody pedo staring at the tits of that kid from the Olympics. It was creepy as!”
In 2001 Websters song ‘Strawberry Kisses’ did extremely well in the charts. In 2017 she re-released the song via a breakfast television show almost unnoticed, except for mild derision in some music circles for the poor attempt to add a rap element into the song.
“We thought Webster would be great to play Octopunch when she re-released that song of hers” says the unnamed source “But at least people beyond Gen X know who Monk actually is. Besides, Monk seems like she can take a joke, we were afraid that if someone said the wrong thing Webster would start ringing radio stations and abusing people”.
So is there any truth to the rumors that Sophie Monk will play Octopunch in this upcoming multi-million dollar movie? Only time will tell, but fans seem to believe given her ability to fake being in love, Monk will be perfect to play a Pretender on the big screen.
Neither Sophie Monk nor Nikki Webster have been approached for comment.
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*Editors Note: Like pretty much all Pop-Goss stories online, the above article is completely fictional (the difference being we admit it!). It is written for satirical purposes only with no malice intended. Bigangrytrev.com wishes both Ms Monk and Ms Webster continuing success in their respective careers.