Declaration of War: Big Angry Trev vs the entire Mosquito race!

Listen up you little blood-sucking bastards!

For my entire life you have harassed me without provocation.  As a teenager you bit me, after the bubbling hormones within my skinny, acne-laced frame.  In my 20’s you swarmed me, no doubt to get drunk considering my blood-alcohol content was always simmering at a .049  In self-defense I’ve swatted you, I’ve slapped you, I’ve squashed you and yet you’ve persisted.  But much like war in parts of the middle-east, where  blood feuds are passed down culturally from one generation to the next creating a never ending cycle of violence, in my 30’s you have set your descendants upon the path of carrying on your jihad against me.  But not only have you done the unconscionable of corrupting your own kids beliefs, you have now done the unforgivable, the unthinkable, the most evil thing I could think of…

You have declared war on my children!

You filthy, flying f*ckers!  My son is not yet 4 and my daughter is not even 2 and yet you descend upon them like little airborne needles and bite them relentlessly to suck their very life’s blood!  These innocent little cherubs, whose only sin is not letting their parents get enough sleep, are now the focus of your attacks! Your numbers have become such on our farm that we cannot step out our front door without layers of bug repellent on and if we forget my kids a covered in welts before we reach the edgeof the veranda.  You have taken our feud WAY too far!

So I am no longer content to simply be on the defensive, to squash you as you do kamikaze runs to pierce my epidermis.  To protect my family I will be taking our war to you!  I will be upending every source of water on the property so you have nowhere to breed – your young squirming as they expire upon the ground. I will be mowing all the long grasses in our paddocks, giant whirling blades of death destroying your safe houses.  I will never leave my home without swatters swinging from my belt, ready to slap you out of the air upon sight, the cheap neon plastic crushing your limbs and wings, caving in your skulls until your minuscule brains shoot our your long proboscis.  I will even resort to chemical warfare, patrolling my dwelling with giant spray cans full of airborne poisons, it entering your tiny lungs and choke the life from you until you drop out of the air, writhing in pain until death takes you.

The pale avenger!
The pale avenger!

This is WAR mutha f*ckers!  And you aint seen shit yet!  I will KILL each and every one of you on sight!  I will hunt you down – the men, the women, the larva!  I will POISON, I will CRUSH! YOUR LAMENTATION OF THE MOSSIE-HOLOCAUST WILL BE GREAT AND I WILL SEE YOUR ENTIRE RACE DESTROYED!  CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE BUG ZAPPERS OF WAR!

You should never have gone after my kids – you guys are f*cking dead!

Ask Trev – Chicken care questions

One of the first questions I got for ‘Ask Trev’ was from Maddy who was asking if she should get chickens.  Well, happily she took my advice and now has a little brood of her own.  So now we have some follow up questions about their care which I will address today.

 

Dear Farmer Trev,

Ok, so I got chooks.
19 week old pullets. They are all New Hampshire cross breeds. One Australorp cross (proving to be the noisiest), a white leggorn X and a Rhode Island Red X. The tiniest (white leghorn cross) has already come on the lay but one of the others (or potentially her) is smashing up her eggs before I get to them. How do I stop this behaviour?

Small egg: From our Frizzle Chickens. Large egg: From our Muscovy Ducks.
Small egg: From our Frizzle Chickens.
Large egg: From our Muscovy Ducks.

Though it may not be, chances are she is smashing her own eggs.  The chooks are not after the egg within, but rather the shell itself as their system breaks down egg shells in order to make more egg shells and if their system is not getting enough of what will make the shells of their eggs strong enough, they will destroy their own.

I’d recommend getting a big bag of shell grit.  It’s this grey granules stuff that looks like coarse sand.  Contained within is everything that a chicken needs to make the shells of its eggs stronger (and as a result harder for them or their coop-mates to break) and should stop them feeling they have to break existing eggs to get those nutrients.  If your chooks were bigger or older I’d suggest laying pellets but shell grit for their current state will work best.  You can also throw old egg shells back into the chicken coop for them to peck at and break.

 

Also – hen pecking – tiny has already started hen pecking the red. How do I address hen pecking if it gets really bad? Or is this the natural order of hens and there’s nothing I can do?

It’s the natural order babe – it’s where the term ‘Pecking Order’ comes from.  There is nothing short of having them in completely separate coops that you can do.  Just let them figure it out for themselves and hopefully it should die down.  My chooks have stopped it now they have figured out their hierarchy, though my ducks still engage in it after being together for a year.

 

Finally – Is there anything they really, really should not be fed or any tips for super happy hens?
Thanks Big Farmer T.
-Mads.

Kitchen scraps, wheat and either shell grit or laying pellets should give them all the sustenance they need.  There is not much that can harm a chook as if it’s a food that’s not good for them they won’t eat it (case in point with potato peelings).  And of course don’t feed them any kind of bird meat, though once again they probably wouldn’t touch it anyway.  A small garlic clove dropped into their water once in a blue moon is good for keeping away mites.  Also get yourself a wormwood plant, grow it to a nice size in a pot and stick it in their coop.  They will peck at it now and then and it’s great for keeping away fleas and other insects that will bother your chickens without driving away the bugs they like to eat.

As for super happy hens, just plenty of food, water, shelter, protection from predators and as much space to scratch around as you can manage and they should be happy little hens indeed!